Going Forth

I think this is one of the most discombobulated times of my life. Everything is changing. Some of the changes are self-induced; some of them are circumstantial. Regardless, half the time I’m having difficulty keeping track of whether I am coming or going! Part of that might be related to the fact that I am currently based out of two separate houses while I am preparing to make my big move.
Since my last post, we had the memorial service for Dad and the installation service for his son as our new pastor. That was the most emotionally-draining weekend ever. While I believe that everything went just as Dad would’ve wanted it, it is still hard to wrap my head around the reality that he is gone. Although it is impossible, I keep thinking that at any moment he will show up and this will all have been some horrible dream.
Yet, as further proof that life goes on, I flew up to Chicago last week for a final interview and left with the job. I am going back to my roots – teaching a self-contained middle school class for students with severe emotional and behavioral disabilities (EBD). Students with EBD are my passion. I feel that I am best suited to teach these kids and am so excited about this position. I truly feel that I have been given my dream job. In fact, when I first graduated from college this is the exact type of position for which I was looking.
As excited as I am about this new opportunity and returning to the city, I also feel a deepening sadness about the people I am leaving behind. The fact that my son is staying here until he goes off to boot camp is overwhelming. I feel guilty about leaving my best friend and family right when I feel they need me the most. My boyfriend has to stay here for now because his children are much younger than mine, and he can’t leave them (nor would I want him to). Plus, I have many cherished friends I am leaving behind in exchange for a city where I will only know a handful of people (at first). Yet, every time I start to feel a little panicked, I remind myself that this was my decision. I want to be back in the city. I want to be closer to my daughter, and my son will soon be gone anyway. Many people have had successful long-distance relationships, and I will always be here for my best friend and adopted family – no matter the miles between us. This is my path, and down it I must travel. I still have goals I need to accomplish, and I know I am heading to a place where I can best do that. It is time for me to do in my life exactly what I always tell my students, “Go forth and conquer.”