We are a little over five weeks away from the Chicago Marathon, and I have made it through most of my training. When I last wrote, I was preparing for my first ten mile run. Since then, I’ve completed the majority of my long runs: 10, 13, 14, and 16. I only have an 18 mile and 20 mile run left. Some runs have been better than others, but overall I am making progress, getting stronger, and (hopefully) faster. These changes aren’t just random; they are occurring because I keep running.
In order to be successful in marathon training, I have to keep getting out there and doing the training part. It’s not going to just happen. I have to make the choice to get up, put my running clothes on, head out the door….. and then RUN. If I completed all of the preparation steps but never actually ran, then I would never actually be ready for my race. The running is the hardest part, but it’s the part that is the most necessary. (This is also a very useful life analogy!)
I previously shared that I am working towards a goal of running a new personal best this year. To do so would mean that I would have to run the marathon in less than 4 hours and 57 minutes, my fastest marathon time from sixteen years ago. My last few long runs have been a struggle, and I haven’t been running at the pace needed to hit that goal. With that in mind, I have created a secondary goal of simply being able to finish as close as I can get to, or maybe even slightly under, five hours. While this might not seem like much of an adjustment, it’s just enough to keep me motivated during these last weeks of training and also keeps me close enough to my primary goal that I can keep pushing to maybe still accomplish it.
Throughout this training season, I have been encouraged by the support that has been shown to me. People who know that I am training for the marathon check in on my progress and ask me how things are going. Since I am running this race as a charity fundraiser for Girls in the Game, even more people have also supported those efforts by donating to my fundraising page – many of them complete strangers. Some of you reading this post even received it as part of my thank you email for your support. The kindness is not lost on me, and I have been taking all the positive energy in as marathon day gets closer. Knowing others believe in me makes it easier for me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. If you would like to donate to my efforts and continue with sending the love, you can use this link here. Even if you cannot donate anything, sharing this blog and the link with others and following my journey is a tangible way of showing your support. As a life coach and consultant, my motto is You Can Do It. I Can Help. As a charity runner trying to meet her marathon and fundraising goals, my personal motto is currently…
I’m sure no one has to tell you that running a marathon is hard. Even if you have never ran one yourself, have no desire to run one, or aren’t a runner at all, most people generally understand that training for and running in a marathon is a lot of work. If it were easy, everyone would do it right? So it shouldn’t come as too big of a surprise that when I ran the Chicago marathon for the second time back in 2021, I decided that it would be my last marathon until whenever I had the opportunity to run the original course in Greece. I actually told my partner that I was “retiring” from the marathon until that time. However, fast forward to 2024 and here we go again. I am officially running the Chicago marathon for a third time. I would say it’ll be my last, but life has taught me to never say never.
So what caused me to change my mind and return to a summer full of early mornings, long runs, speed workouts, and intense training? My love for Girls in the Game (GitG). GitG is a wonderful organization here in Chicago that provides sports programming for girls throughout the city. Just as we know that kids’ participation in sports is about more than the sport itself, GitG does so much more for girls than just provide sports instruction. The programs they run help girls to build a positive self-esteem and self-worth, develop their leadership and team building skills, and create healthy relationships that will endure.
Because I love GitG’s messages of girl power and overall female empowerment, I joined their Auxiliary Board last year as my way to support their work. So when they were asking for charity runners for this year’s marathon, there really was no way that I could say no (especially since they all knew “I was a runner”). I have ran as a charity partner for a couple of other organizations that I love, but this is the first time that I have ran for an organization where I have a first-hand opportunity to see the ins and outs of what my support means. I have also set a goal for myself to aim for a new personal record (PR) for my marathon time with this attempt, so I am more focused than ever on being true to training and preparation. This makes this fundraising/training cycle even more personal, and my hope is that these efforts pay off both in reaching (exceeding!) my fundraising minimum and achieving a time of 4 hours and 45 minutes in October. I love Girls in the Game, and I love being able to support them in this way. If you want to throw in your support of us both, please consider donating here: https://fundraisers.hakuapp.com/kimberly-frey and subscribe to this blog to get regular updates on my progress.
You might have noticed the two beautiful kiddos with me on my About page. If you haven’t, you should go check them out because they are truly good-looking. Although I can’t take all the credit since they are not mine but my daughter’s.
Now before you rush to call me grandma, let me say that although I have two amazing grandchildren, I am not a grandma. I am known as Moma, which we’ve decided means “more momma” or “momx2,” whichever you prefer. See, I had my children when I was very young. I was actually still a teenager when my daughter was born. So even though she waited much longer to have her first child, when she did I was still relatively young in the grand scheme of things (pun intended). Trying to decide what my soon-to-be grandson would call me was a pretty complex process. I wanted to be called Lola, as that is the name for grandmother in Tagalog, a primary language in the Philippines, and I am a proud first-generation daughter of a Filipino immigrant mother. However, that’s what my children already called my mother, so having two Lolas in the family would be too confusing. Years prior to this, when my son first adopted his dog, he had declared that I couldn’t be his dog’s mom because he was his dog’s dad. Therefore, he had stated that I was the dog’s grandma. To which I quickly replied, “I am not a grandma.” He then went on to come up with “Noma,” short for “Not Grandma.” So when by grandson entered the world, I decided that Noma would work just fine. My grandson had other ideas. As much as I tried, I only managed to get him to say “Noma” one time. He would say, “no” and “ma” but when he would put it together, he would switch it to Moma. So, Moma stuck, and he loves the fact that he’s the one who gave me my name.
I’m sure you’ve heard the quote, “If I had known grandchildren would be so much fun, I would have had them first.” I had too, but you truly can’t appreciate it or understand its depth until you’ve had a grandchild. I love my children and would still do anything I can for them, but the love I have for my grandchildren is on a completely different level. They have enriched my life in ways that I didn’t even know was possible, and for that I am so grateful. I’m even more grateful for the fact that they only live a couple miles away from me so I get to see them on a regular basis. I have many friends who aren’t so lucky. While my children have always been my inspiration to work hard, set goals and achieve them, and live a life they could admire (or at least not be embarrassed of), my grandchildren are my inspiration to build something that will be around long after I’m gone, to create a legacy that they can one day inherit. So while I might be “More Momma” to them, my grandchildren are the grandest inspiration to me.
Wow! It’s hard to believe that so much time has passed since the last time I posted here. To say there’s been a lot going on the last four years – both in the world and in my own life – would be quite the understatement.
Just as the world has changed dramatically since 2020, so has my life. I can’t wait to fill you in on it all, but the biggest (and most recent) change is that I left full-time teaching back in November. Professionally, it is definitely the most exciting, yet terrifying, thing that I have done – other than getting into teaching in the first place.
When I made the decision to go into teaching over 20 years ago, I was actually on a path toward being a social worker. Having had a tumultuous adolescence, I wanted to help kids who were also struggling to find their way. While going through undergrad, I worked at a residential therapeutic treatment center for adolescents in the evenings while also being a substitute teacher during the day. (At that time where I lived, you only needed a high school diploma for both positions.) Because I was experienced in supporting struggling students, I often subbed in what was thought to be difficult schools and/or classrooms. I developed relationships with the students, to the point where they would often say they wished I was their “real” teacher. Their words meant something to me, and I started to really consider them. As I did some research, I learned that I could get a special education teaching degree with a focus on teaching students with emotional and behavioral disabilities. I realized this was an even better way to help kids who were struggling because I could maybe make a difference in their lives sooner versus later. Once I made that decision, I spent my summer cramming in four additional classes that I needed so that I could be accepted into the special education program in the fall (after first having to request permission to do so from the program advisor). It was the best career decision I could have made.
I have loved every moment of being a teacher. Don’t get me wrong. There have been so many challenges throughout the years. But I have never regretted making that pivot in college and choosing education. Over the course of my career, I have taught every grade and every subject. I have loved my students and advocated for them as if they were my own. My own children grew up understanding that “my kids” were also a part of the family. To this day, I still remain in contact with many former students, and it warms my heart to see what they’ve accomplished with their adult lives.
It’s for all these reasons and more that making the choice to leave the classroom was one I didn’t make lightly. However, it’s because of the work that I’ve done over the last couple of decades that I understood now was the time to go. I have fought and advocated for my students for years. For them to realize the greatness that lies within, to turn their dreams into goals, and to help them meet their goals. I’ve fought for them to have access and be included versus stigmatized and excluded. I’ve worked to make schools places that are inclusive and welcoming for everyone – regardless of ability, disability, or identity. So much so that I knew I wanted to do the same for them as adults and the workplaces in which they were now a part (figuratively speaking). While schools have done a much better job of being inclusive and supportive over the years, the work world has not. At the same time, navigating adulthood isn’t a walk in the park either, and there is much to be said about the impact having a coach can play in a person’s success.
So, this is why I made the jump. This is why I HAD to make the jump. In a world that is often difficult to navigate and is becoming more divisive on so many levels, I want to be someone who helps adults identify and achieve their goals, creates more inclusive spaces for all, and still fights for students with disabilities by empowering families. As a life coach, disability inclusivity consultant, and special education advocate, I get to do all of these things and more. This new chapter of my life is just as exciting and fulfilling as being a teacher was, but in a whole new way.
Besides, when I start missing “my kids” too much, I just pick up some substitute teaching days and get right back in the classroom to get my fix. While my teaching career has come full circle, my coaching and consulting career has just begun.
Well, the first half of 2020 is behind us, and what a historic six months it has been! At the beginning of this year, people were so optimistic and excited. A new year, a new decade, a re-visiting of the 20’s – which personally is my favorite decade in history. The promise of the future was everywhere. And then, just as quickly as that promise was born, it began fading away. First, there were the reports of a new virus spreading half a world away. The next thing we knew, that virus was making its way across the globe and invading our country. Seemingly overnight, America went from being “open for business” to “closed indefinitely,” and our lives completely changed. Businesses and schools were closed, jobs were lost, and people were dying.
And then, there was more. In alarmingly rapid succession, we were confronted with Ahmaud Arbery, George Floyd, Breonna Taylor – every day people who all died in horrific ways. Their deaths released a barrage of emotions, and people were challenged to really analyze their feelings, be informed, speak up, and get involved. Every day there were reports of protests and even sometimes violent riots as people who were hurting, grieving, and angry lashed out at a society that has failed to hear their voices for far too long. However, these actions caused people of all races, ethnicities, and cultures to come together and loudly proclaim that “Black Lives Matter,” and a glimmer of hope was born that maybe, just maybe, this time they really would.
So, here we are entering the second half of 2020, and in many ways the world seems just as uncertain as it was a few months ago. However, the difference is we have already gone through these last few months, and have hopefully become stronger and smarter because of them. This new normal has taught us many things – many job functions can be performed at home, essential workers need to be protected because they are the ones who keep this country running, teachers should be valued more because wow! Their jobs actually ARE hard, history has a way of repeating itself (especially when the original history was written in a way that hid so much of the truth), masks save lives, and Black Lives Matter. What we choose to do with our new knowledge is up to us. Every individual has a choice: to learn and grow or stay stagnant and die. My dad used to say all the time that, “all living things grow and change. The only time you aren’t growing and changing is when you’re dead.”
As this roller coaster year starts its descend toward the finish, let us all take time to really evaluate who we are and who we want to be. Have you tried to push yourself out of your comfort zone? Have you read or watched something that challenged you? Have you been purposeful about finding opportunities to show compassion or thankfulness to others? Have you spent time listening respectfully to someone with a different viewpoint than yours? Even more importantly, have you spent time engaging in a respectful dialogue with someone whose views are not the same as yours? Are you someone who is searching for ways to be united or are you a person who is fostering division?
I, for one, would like to believe that when 2020 comes to a close we as a people will be able to look back and see that the events of this year impacted us in a way that ultimately made us stronger and better people. That this year caused us to come together in ways we never have before. That systemic changes occurred in this year which will benefit the most vulnerable in our society instead of continue to cause them harm. This year isn’t over yet, and it’s up to us to decide what lessons future historians will teach about the opening year of the 21st century Roaring Twenties.
Hello, and Happy New Year! The Roaring 20’s is one of my favorite time periods in history, and I look forward to what this new decade has in store for us. It’s been awhile since my last post, but now that the hustle and bustle of the holiday season is over, I’m ready to get back to work and am focused on my goals for the year.
Interestingly enough though, this post is NOT about my 2020 goal agenda. I was actually inspired to write this post because of events that unfolded during our mid-year standardized testing that occurred upon our return from winter break.
I have been teaching for almost 20 years, and I have spent the majority of this time teaching special education. Even during the years I taught high school, although I wasn’t specifically teaching special education classes, as a dual-licensed faculty member of the English department, if you were a student with an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) that qualified you for special education services, I was your English teacher. So as a teacher who has had to administer standardized tests to students with special needs every year, I am intimately aware of the fact that the overabundance of standardized testing, and the subsequent reliance on their results, has wreaked damage to a population of students who already have a plethora of obstacles hindering their educational success.
Just to be clear, standardized testing is not new. Ever since Alfred Binet developed an intelligence test in 1905, there has been standardized testing designed to determine if you are smart enough, performing to certain measures, and/or the right fit for the job (or school). However, when then-President George W. Bush’s No Child Left Behind Act was passed in 2001, the use of standardized testing proliferated, and is now present across all grade levels, even amongst our youngest students in preschool and kindergarten and our most fragile populations of students with special needs.
Going back to our school’s recent testing window, our district was conducting Middle-of-the-Year NWEA MAP testing. Within my district, this same test is given at the end of the year as well. If you are in certain “benchmark” grades and you don’t pass the test, it is mandatory for you to be retained.
The MAP test in and of itself is not the worst test out there. It is an adaptive test. It is designed to either increase or decrease the rigor depending on the student’s performance. However, it also purposefully gives students questions on topics they haven’t been taught yet (supposedly to determine the student’s readiness for those topics). It is an untimed test, and students are allowed to take a break, pause the test, or even suspend it until a later time. All of this sounds great in theory. Until you have a student in the third grade on the Autism Spectrum who has extreme testing anxiety or a fifth grade student who has been diagnosed with significant emotional disabilities and is currently living with his aunt as his foster parent due to the emotional trauma he suffered when living with his mother. Both of these students are below-grade level. Their teachers already know that. Their cognitive and academic testing that was completed in order for them to qualify for special education services has proven that. The progress monitoring that is completed all throughout the year to determine whether or not they are on-track to meet their IEP goals shows their progress and keeps all of their teachers accountable. But yet, these students, and thousands like them, are required to take a test that creates undue stress and negatively impacts their self-esteem. My third grade student with autism was so frozen with fear all he could do was sit and cry. My fifth grade student had a complete breakdown in the testing room and had to be removed altogether. Why are non-educators so intent on forcing kids who already know what they don’t know (and feel inferior to their peers because of it) to prove on a test what exactly they don’t know?
For the parents who are reading this blog, please know that this unhealthy pattern of over-testing and developmentally inappropriate testing will continue until you band together and demand change. Teachers will support you if you demand testing policy overhauls, because teachers know that all this testing isn’t in the best interest of any of our students, not just those with special needs. The testing craziness began in earnest with politicians who didn’t have any teaching experience of their own trying to hold teachers accountable. (Oh, the irony, I know.) It is time to tell our current, and future, politicians that the harm we are causing our children must be put to an end. Let’s put policies in place that ensure that no student has to walk out of a room feeling broken and defeated. Now that would truly ensure that no child is left behind.
Rain or shine…we are taking a stand (or seat!) for our kids.
The last time I posted, Chicago teachers had just approved a strike if deemed necessary to get a fair contract for teachers and students. This morning, I started this post from the picket line where teachers have been since Thursday taking a stand for equity in Chicago Public Schools.
For those who are wondering what is at stake or believe that teachers are just being “greedy,” let me share a day in my life….
I teach at a school on the southeast side of the city. We are a small neighborhood school with an enrollment of slightly more than 300 students in grades PK-8. Almost 100% of my students receive free or reduced lunch. I have students who live in foster care along with students who are being raised by somebody other than a biological parent for various reasons. As the case manager for my school, I am in charge of the entire special education department, which serves approximately 45 students across all grade levels. We have been short a special education teacher since the start of the school year, along with being down two classroom assistant positions. Sometimes we have substitutes for those positions, other times we don’t. Regardless of the staffing, I am still responsible for ensuring that my students receive the services listed in their Individual Education Plans (IEPs). There has been a shortage of special education teachers in CPS for quite some time, but there is nothing in the contract outlining a plan for how to address that. There is an even greater shortage of classroom assistants because the starting wage is too low for people to survive off of, even though a bachelor’s degree is required for the position. I spend my days trying to provide services to as many students as I can while at the same time juggling all the responsibilities of case management: scheduling all IEP meetings (plus attending them), writing IEPs, meeting with other special education teachers, collaborating with general education teachers, and more.
Meanwhile, my coworkers in the general education classrooms are putting forth their best efforts to teach their students, often without the support of the classroom assistants they should have. Furthermore, they are teaching groups of thirty plus students at a time. Be honest – how is a teacher supposed to provide quality, rigorous instruction to thirty-one 3rd graders, thirty-four 4th graders, or thirty-one 7th graders at a time….with no assistance? Because those are the real numbers for those groups of students at my school.
Furthermore, let’s hope that none of our 300-plus students have a nursing emergency, unless it happens on the one day a week the nurse is scheduled at my school. I have one student on my caseload with epilepsy and another student who has a shunt from her brain to her abdomen area. Both of them have a lengthy list of precautions and advisories that need to be followed. We have students with asthma and others with allergies. There recently was a school in my network where a student died from an asthma attack. Every day, teachers are being asked to wear the hat of a medical professional on top of their many other responsibilities.
As if that wasn’t enough of a load to carry, the majority of schools on the south side do not have a full-time social worker. My students are confronted by a whole world of problems that many of us know nothing about: gangs, gun violence, drug and alcohol abuse, absentee parents, abuse… the trauma that my students suffer is heart-breaking. Yet, our school (along with most of the schools on the south side) only has a social worker on site one day a week. To add insult to injury, because of overcrowded caseloads, the social worker only has time to see the students with IEPs who have social work listed as a service.
The day before the strike, I was sitting with one of my 6th grade students. He had asked what a strike was, so I explained the concept and also what exactly teachers were asking for. He didn’t know what a social worker was, so when I explained that it was someone who the kids would be able to talk to about their problems, his words really hit me. He said that he thought that would be a good thing because “there’s a lot of bad stuff that happens in our neighborhoods, Ms. Frey, and it’s hard for us to come in here and focus on learning.” Out of the mouths of babes….
That is what I am fighting for. Please support us in our fight to get our students the services they need to be successful. If we are truly committed to decreasing violence in this city, then we must be committed to providing the services our kids need in order to get the education they deserve.
This week, approximately 94% of Chicago Public School educators, clinicians, paraprofessionals, and school-related personnel voted in favor of authorizing the Chicago Teachers Union to authorize a strike if a satisfactory contract cannot be reached with the Chicago school district, and ultimately the newly elected Chicago mayor Lori Lightfoot.
Mayor Lightfoot campaigned under the banner of eliminating old-school politics. On her own campaign website, lightfootforchicago.com, the then-candidate stated that, “We must do better to halt the declining conditions of our neighborhood schools. We must do better to change an education policy that does not view parents, teachers, principals, staff or other stakeholders as valued partners. We must do better by insisting on a comprehensive plan to invest in families and neighborhoods, and to end the violence that plagues too many communities.” The contract that the CTU is currently fighting for is wanting to do just that. With their overwhelming vote this week, teachers are saying that it is time to eliminate the inequity that exists in Chicago schools, and it is time to prioritize agendas that research has proven will help children be more successful in school.
Let’s start with class sizes. Although there is a plethora of research proving that smaller class sizes are a fundamental piece of the academic success puzzle, schools all across the city are grossly over-crowded. I personally know of elementary school classrooms where anywhere from 32- 35 children are sitting in one room with one teacher and up to 37-38 middle school students are doing the same. If Mayor Lightfoot is serious about wanting students to achieve, then there should not be any hesitation on her part to include language in the contract that assures the district will begin taking steps to address overcrowded classrooms.
The next item on the agenda? School nurses. I personally do not know of a school on the south side that has a full-time nurse at their school every day with the exception of schools that have a large population of students with special needs who require medical assistance during the day. I currently have students with a myriad of medical conditions such as allergies, asthma, and seizure disorders. If one of these students has a medical emergency, we basically know to call 911 and hope for the best. Medical conditions aside, if a student falls and hits his/her head on the playground, we do not have a nurse to determine if a severe head injury has occurred. However, talking to parents of students on the north side, many of those schools have the discretionary funds due to parent and community donations to pay for a nurse themselves. Instead of stating that there is a nurse shortage all over the state, why won’t the mayor show her commitment to finding solutions to the problem by including language in the contract that addresses the situation?
Let’s also talk about those social workers the union is calling for. Currently, most schools on the south side do not have a full-time social worker. In fact, most of these schools have a social worker who only comes one day a week, with maybe a second day every other week. These are the very schools that are serving students who experience trauma, violence, and the effects of gang violence along with that of drug and alcohol abuse. It is very difficult for students to focus on their education when they are worried about whether or not they will be shot on their way home from school. To truly be committed to ending violence in this city means that we must truly be committed to helping support the students’ social/emotional and mental health in the very communities where the violence has caused the most damage.
Lastly, let’s bring to light a little-known fact about the current “good deal” that is being offered to Chicago teachers. The current proposal is calling for a reduction of planning time for teachers, who already often lack the proper planning time necessary to adequately teach students. However, this proposal is being buried by both the mayor’s office and the news media who are endorsing her deal.
The very fact that Mayor Lightfoot, the Chicago Tribune, and the Chicago Sun-Times are all urging teachers to just take the deal because the financial terms are “generous” (Chicago Tribune editorial, 9/13/19) shows the lack of understanding as to what this fight is all about. It’s not about money (although more money would be nice). Chicago teachers, so by default the Chicago Teachers Union, are not strike-hungry as those in the media are stating. In fact, the overwhelming majority of teachers do not want a strike. We want to be in our schools with our students. To be honest, having just come back from the summer break (which to make very clear to the public – we DO NOT get paid for; nor do we even collect a check….for about two months), teachers really can’t even afford to strike. However, we cannot support a deal that continues to put our most disadvantaged students at an even greater disadvantage and has no real plan for how to remedy the situation. That is how important this struggle is to us as champions of our youth. We are willing to risk financial strain and the possibility of negative opinions from the public as we fight for what our students so rightly deserve.
If you are serious about halting the declining conditions of neighborhood schools and changing educational policies, then address these issues, Mayor Lightfoot. Be willing to be the mayor that the overwhelming majority of Chicago citizens believed you were going to be when you won the election. Then, and only then, will we truly have a “very good deal.”
Over the years, I have consistently stated that running is one of the best analogies for life. A fantastic example of this occurred just this past weekend. About two months before my vacation, I had signed up for a 10k on Saturday and a half-marathon on Sunday. Both of the races were ones that I had done previously and really enjoyed. Also, the 10k had a really awesome long-sleeved technical running shirt and as a runner in the Midwest, I need all the long-sleeved shirts I can get! Anyway, let’s just say that it might not have been one of my smartest ideas. During the month of August, I really did not run as much as I thought I would. Although I had brought my running shoes with me on my trip, I only had a chance to use them once. My itinerary was just too full each day, and let’s be honest, I was walking anywhere from 10-12 miles per day just exploring and really didn’t have the energy for it. Plus, when I returned home, it took me awhile to feel rested and ready to get back into the swing of things. While I had completed a couple of five mile runs here and there over the summer, the last time I ran ten miles was for a race over Memorial Day weekend. Furthermore, I hadn’t even taken into consideration that these races would take place right after the beginning of the school year when I was still adjusting to those 5am wake-up calls. However, despite all these roadblocks, I was determined to complete what I had committed myself to at the beginning of the summer. Over the course of two days and a total of 19.3 miles, these were the thoughts that came to me as related to life and running.
Keep your commitments. I tell people all the time that one of the main ways I help myself stay motivated as a runner is by signing up for races. There is something about the camaraderie and energy about a race that is hard to describe unless you’ve experienced it yourself. Runners respect each other as runners because they know how hard the work is to get to that starting line. It doesn’t matter if you are a 5-minute miler or a 15-minute miler; it took training and focus to be able to toe the line on race day. So when I sign up for a race, that is a commitment that I know I need to keep. It is a commitment to myself because I’ve invested my money. It is a commitment to others because I almost always talk one of my friends into running the race with me. And it is a commitment to the running community, because anyone who hosts a running event wants to see as many people there as possible. If everyone just paid a race fee and then never showed up, the event would not be considered a success – even though the money had been raised. In life, we need to be just as diligent about keeping our commitments to those around us. Both my biological children and my student children over the years used to get so frustrated when they would ask for permission to do something and I would answer with a, “Maybe.” After awhile, they would all understand that “maybe” usually meant “yes,” and they would call me out for never giving them a straight answer. I would explain to them (and still explain to my students today), that I often said maybe in response to requests because I needed to be ensure that I could honor my word. If I answered a request with a yes, then they could count on it happening. On the other hand, if I answered a request with a no, they understood the answer wouldn’t eventually change to yes. Over time, they grew to appreciate those “maybe” answers a whole lot more!
Stay focused. Anytime I run a race, or if I’m having a hard time on a training run, I choose a marker of some kind up ahead to focus on while I am running. I will tell myself to get to that light pole, park bench, stop sign, etc. It’s amazing how just zeroing in on a specific goal helps me to be able to keep going. When running longer races, I usually break it down in chunks. I don’t think of the 26.2 miles I need to run. I think of the first 5k, and then the second 5k, the third and so on until I cross that finish line. Our lives are the same way. You must find some way to stay focused on some thing in order to not just drift through life aimlessly. It could be that you’re focused on a big picture goal, so you understand you have to break it up into manageable steps in order to create an action plan. Perhaps you are focused on a selected group of small tasks that you just need to get accomplished. Either way, by keeping focused you will achieve your end goals sooner and with less unnecessary frustrations.
Know the rules of the road. At the half-marathon I ran on Sunday, they had pace groups – as is usually the case at longer races. A pace group is a group that has a leader running a certain pace throughout the race. As long as you stay with that group, you should finish in that goal time. When I run longer than a 10k, I actually have to do run/walk intervals due to a previous back injury. So I will run for three minutes and then walk for one. I have trained myself to be able to run fairly even splits with this method; therefore I will often pass/fall behind a pace group with each interval. However, there was one particular pace group where the leader obviously had not explained to them the most important rule of racing and the most important rule of running with a group. Slower runners stay to the right, and when running in a group don’t block the path. This particular group was spread out across the whole trail so that passing them was next to impossible. I would keep getting penned in behind them which was very frustrating and was affecting my ability to pace correctly. While our lives may be governed by a variety of laws that can change depending on who has the power to change them, there is one very basic rule to which we all need to adhere. It is so vital to our overall well-being that almost every type of religion has a version of it. Treat others as you would want to be treated yourself. If we all followed this principle in our lives, the world would be a much happier, safer, cleaner place.
Be in the moment. I often tell others that whenever I’m out running, it is a time for me to just be. The world is a loud and busy place. There are so many things pulling us in so many directions. It is quite possible for someone to go through an entire day on autopilot just trying to get things accomplished. When running, that same danger is there. The run is just something we need to complete so we cross it off our list. I’ve caught myself doing both – just getting through a day checking off a to-do list and pushing through a run just because I needed to burn off the pizza I ate last night. However, my running has helped me to really zero in on the right now. As I focus on my breathing, rock out to a great playlist, and take in the world around me, I am reminded to count my blessings and find the stillness within me.
Run your race. I am finishing this list with the very same thought that started this post because it might possibly be the one we all need to remember the most. “Run your race!” is a phrase you will often hear coaches yell out to their runners, especially when a race is particularly close. Every runner needs to focus on what they are doing in their race, not on the runners behind them. How many of us have seen the runner turn around to see how close someone was behind them only to be overtaken or even injured? Some runners have a strong start and are able to maintain a steady pace throughout. Other runners start out at a more even pace but have the ability to kick it in gear in the end. No matter the race, as a runner, you have to focus on you – your training, your strategy, your game plan. And the same is so true of our lives. No matter what others are doing around you, you must stay focused on your race…your goals, your path, your own surroundings. Because even though we are all running a course, we are not running the same course. Some runners may be faster, others will be slower. You might come across an obstacle that wasn’t there for the runners in front of you. However, your race is yours alone. Don’t get caught up on whatever is happening around you. Listen to your coaches and your inner voice while keeping your eyes on the finish line, cause you’ve got this.
Do you want someone to help coach you to your personal finish line? Email me at kimberlyfreyconsulting@gmail.com so we can tackle your life race together!
I did it! After all the planning and preparation over the last several months, I have just returned home from my very first solo international trip. I spent a week in Italy and a week in France, and it was even more than I expected it to be. In the months leading up to my trip, people would often ask me what I was most looking forward to, ask about my plans, even inquire about whether or not I was nervous to go alone. No matter how many conversations I had, books and websites I read, or research I conducted though, nothing could adequately prepare me for this journey. It’s much like having a baby. You can read about it, go to childbirth classes, and talk to the hundreds who have had this same experience before you, but it still does not prepare you for the reality of your own child birthing process and when your baby arrives. Many people have asked me about my trip though, so I am going to attempt to share some of my process with all of you.
To start with, I knew I wanted the bookends of my trip to be Paris and Rome. I eventually decided to start in Rome and finish in Paris because I knew I would be tired at the end of my trip and wanted to have more energy for Rome. I stand by that decision. Rome (all of Italy really) was hotter than France, and seemed to be more crowded and frenetic than Paris. Furthermore, in Rome I did a lot more walking (11-15 miles per day). I think if I had done it the other way around, I definitely would’ve regretted it. In all, I visited Rome, Florence, Venice, the Cinque Terre, Avignon, Versailles, and Paris. It was a whirlwind tour!
I chose to use Air BnBs as they were cheaper than hotels but nicer than hostels. With the exception of one location, I had entire apartments to myself for less than the price of a hotel room! I only used locations that were verified Superhosts, carefully read about the amenities, and researched the locations. I ended up with a view of the Colosseum in Rome, right in the middle of one of the most popular areas in Venice, the most perfect view in Manarola, practically next door to the Palace of the Popes in Avignon, and next door to the Picasso Museum and around the corner from public transit in Paris. It pays to do your research! The only time I wasn’t in the middle of things was my one hotel in Florence, and I had booked that based more on its price than paying attention to its location (a major mistake I won’t ever make again!)
Navigating the trains from city to city was much easier than I had expected it to be. After the first couple of times, I felt like a pro arranging my transport from one area of the country to the other. It is definitely cheaper to just buy as you go versus using the rail pass if you are just doing a couple of countries. Also, buying your tickets along the way allows you to have flexibility of staying longer in one area or leaving sooner than you had originally planned. The trains are generally clean inside, although many of the one in Italy have graffiti all over the outsides of them. Here’s a tip – the train stations (and actually most public restrooms) in both Italy and France charge one euro to use the restroom. There are bathrooms on the trains, and they are free (although they are just glorified portapotties).
For those of you planning your trips overseas, bring a water bottle! There are public water fountains everywhere, and the water is usually just as cold as if you bought it from the store, especially in Rome where the fountains are fed by aqueducts. It’s an adventure just exploring all the different fountains in the city, as there are hundreds – and all of them unique and beautiful in some way.
Lastly, I think one of the things I enjoyed the most about my trip was allowing myself the freedom of flexibility. If I wanted to sit in a sidewalk cafe and write in my journal for awhile, I did. If I saw a church spiral off in the distance I wanted to see up close, I’d figure out how to navigate myself to that point. Don’t pack your itinerary so full that you feel pressured to get it all done. Let the magic of the moment guide you at times and be willing to try new things. Do what matters to you, not what everyone else says you just “have to do while you’re there.”
In closing, my trip was all I wanted it to be and already has me planning for another. Thank you to all who read this quite lengthy post. Please feel free to comment or ask questions below and to share this post with others. Ciao! Au revoir! Until next time, I leave you with one of my favorite pictures from my trip.
Words from the Long Run 