Four months ago today, I lost my soulmate. Her name was Chanda, and she had been my best friend for over 30 years. We had walked this path of life together since we were 11 years old. We were together through puberty, adolescence, college, marriages, children, divorces, and everything else under the sun. I wrote on this blog of her dad’s passing back in 2013 and how it changed everything. However, losing her changes things even more profoundly than that event had. I mentioned previously that there were life-altering events that occurred in 2018, and this is definitely the biggest one. Her passing has changed everything forever and in every way, and although it is still too soon and the wounds are still too fresh to write freely today, I was compelled to pause for a moment to remember her. For in remembering those who pass before us, we honor them and the impact they had on our lives. She was my “Thunder Buddy for Life,” and I miss her more than words can express.
Tag: loss of loved one
I’ll Be Missing You
Last week, my entire world changed. When I last wrote to you, I was packing for my move. Five days after that post, as I was knee-deep in boxes with my childhood best friend, we received a phone call from her brother that shattered our day. Her parents had been traveling on their 40th wedding anniversary when her dad died suddenly during a snorkeling excursion off the coast of Honduras. Watching my best friend crumple to the floor, taking the phone and hearing the news from her brother, I knew that from this moment on life would be forever different.
I first met Dad as an angry, almost 12 year old girl. I had recently moved to Florida to live with my father, step-mother, two step-brothers, and a six month old half-brother, and he was the pastor of the church they attended. I was very angry about the move. I did not want to be here, and I expressed my displeasure with the situation often. My father had convinced my mom that he wanted to make up for all the lost years between us (I hadn’t seen him since I was around 4-5 years old), and my mother truly believed it would be good for me. To make a long story short, it wasn’t. I will maybe discuss that another day, but suffice to say, I left home one week after my 17th birthday and never looked back. However, during those turbulent five years, the one constant in life was “Dad” – and his daughter who is my best friend to this day. He was my champion. He believed in me and encouraged me even when no one else did. He took me in as one of his own, and I was often referred to as another daughter. He married me and was there when both of my children were born. He comforted me when that marriage began to crumble due to my husband’s ongoing battle with mental illness. He was there when I thought I had found someone new with whom to share my life, and was still there when that ended up not being the case. All of my holiday memories revolve around him, my best friend, and our families because we spent them all together. He attended all of my children’s birthdays, and more recently, both of their high school graduations. He was so proud to see the woman I had become and the adults my children were turning out to be, and we spoke often about what the future held. He was the only grandfather my kids really knew, and in the words of my daughter, “The only one who has stayed” for their entire lives. Right before he left for his cruise, I saw him in the parking lot of Home Depot. We talked for just a short while. Most of the conversation revolved around his displeasure about me moving back to Chicago. He has been trying to talk me out of it for as long as I have been talking about going. The conversation was short, but light-hearted, silly, and full of love. I am so glad I have that moment to cherish.
Because of his position as a well-known and highly regarded minister, people all over the world are mourning his loss. He was the founding pastor of our church and had affected thousands of lives. He leaves behind his high school sweetheart, three children who loved him dearly, and three grandchildren who adored him. More than that though, he leaves behind an extended family that spreads all around the globe. This week has been one of the most difficult in my life as we have been dealing with our grief about his death, planning his memorial service, guiding the church members through this difficult time, and most importantly, supporting the family with whatever they need. I feel like everything I do is inadequate to express my love for this man I called “Dad.” Even what I have written here does not portray the full picture of who he was to me. Suffice to say, I loved him completely, and he loved me unconditionally. I miss him.
And I know you’re shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we’ve lost along the way
And I know eventually we’ll be together
One sweet dayRead more: MARIAH CAREY – ONE SWEET DAY LYRICS /blockquote>
Words from the Long Run 