Tag: midlife

Will I or Won’t I?

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Girls, Motivational, Running, fitness, Women

The last time I wrote, I shared that I was training for my 3rd Chicago marathon. Well, marathon training is ramping up with my first double digits run happening this weekend. I’ve been pushing myself to be consistent in my training in hopes of being able to – if not get a new personal best time – then to at least finish in under five hours. Seeing as the last time I ran a marathon in under five hours was over a decade ago, I know it’s a lofty goal. But, it’s one I’m still willing to work for.

I’ve shared here before that I love how running is truly an excellent analogy for life. We are all running this marathon called life together, and while there are always other factors at play, how well we do primarily depends on how much work we are willing to put in. We all have the same start and will all end up at the same finish. I’m not trying to be metaphorical here. We are all born, and we will all die. What we do with the time we have between those two points will determine how successful we are, just as the training I choose to do (or not do) determines how successful my marathon attempt will be.

As a former varsity cross country and track coach, I used to remind my athletes that they needed to focus on running “their” race. There were always going to be runners who were faster than them, and for some of them having a 1st, 2nd, or even 3rd place finish was not realistic. They needed to keep their own goals in mind as those were the ones that were realistic for them. Now, as a life coach for adults, I use a goal format where one of the tenants are for the goal to be “realistic.” It’s the non-running version of running your own race. While it’s important and necessary for us to aim high, if we consistently create unattainable goals for ourselves we will end up feeling defeated. I have always set high expectations for myself, my former students and athletes, and now my clients, but they have been designed around realistic outcomes. I never set a goal for a brand new runner who could barely run 10 minute miles to cut that time to 4 minute miles by the end of the season, but I would set the goal that they shave it down to 7 or 8 because while it would take hard work on their part, it was still something I knew they could accomplish.

So, I guess I said all that to say this – is running a marathon in under 5 hours a realistic goal for me? At this point and time, I’m saying yes. Now…ask me again a month from now, and we’ll see if my answer has changed. Follow along on my training journey to find out!

Also, I’m running the marathon in support of Girls in the Game, a fantastic organization providing sports programming and more for girls all throughout Chicago. If you’d like to make a donation, please click here for my fundraising page. Every dollar counts, and is fully tax-deductible.

Thank you for your support as both a reader and a donor!

Every New Beginning…

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Uncategorized

Wow! It’s hard to believe that so much time has passed since the last time I posted here. To say there’s been a lot going on the last four years – both in the world and in my own life – would be quite the understatement.

Just as the world has changed dramatically since 2020, so has my life. I can’t wait to fill you in on it all, but the biggest (and most recent) change is that I left full-time teaching back in November. Professionally, it is definitely the most exciting, yet terrifying, thing that I have done – other than getting into teaching in the first place.

When I made the decision to go into teaching over 20 years ago, I was actually on a path toward being a social worker. Having had a tumultuous adolescence, I wanted to help kids who were also struggling to find their way. While going through undergrad, I worked at a residential therapeutic treatment center for adolescents in the evenings while also being a substitute teacher during the day. (At that time where I lived, you only needed a high school diploma for both positions.) Because I was experienced in supporting struggling students, I often subbed in what was thought to be difficult schools and/or classrooms. I developed relationships with the students, to the point where they would often say they wished I was their “real” teacher. Their words meant something to me, and I started to really consider them. As I did some research, I learned that I could get a special education teaching degree with a focus on teaching students with emotional and behavioral disabilities. I realized this was an even better way to help kids who were struggling because I could maybe make a difference in their lives sooner versus later. Once I made that decision, I spent my summer cramming in four additional classes that I needed so that I could be accepted into the special education program in the fall (after first having to request permission to do so from the program advisor). It was the best career decision I could have made.

I have loved every moment of being a teacher. Don’t get me wrong. There have been so many challenges throughout the years. But I have never regretted making that pivot in college and choosing education. Over the course of my career, I have taught every grade and every subject. I have loved my students and advocated for them as if they were my own. My own children grew up understanding that “my kids” were also a part of the family. To this day, I still remain in contact with many former students, and it warms my heart to see what they’ve accomplished with their adult lives.

It’s for all these reasons and more that making the choice to leave the classroom was one I didn’t make lightly. However, it’s because of the work that I’ve done over the last couple of decades that I understood now was the time to go. I have fought and advocated for my students for years. For them to realize the greatness that lies within, to turn their dreams into goals, and to help them meet their goals. I’ve fought for them to have access and be included versus stigmatized and excluded. I’ve worked to make schools places that are inclusive and welcoming for everyone – regardless of ability, disability, or identity. So much so that I knew I wanted to do the same for them as adults and the workplaces in which they were now a part (figuratively speaking). While schools have done a much better job of being inclusive and supportive over the years, the work world has not. At the same time, navigating adulthood isn’t a walk in the park either, and there is much to be said about the impact having a coach can play in a person’s success.

So, this is why I made the jump. This is why I HAD to make the jump. In a world that is often difficult to navigate and is becoming more divisive on so many levels, I want to be someone who helps adults identify and achieve their goals, creates more inclusive spaces for all, and still fights for students with disabilities by empowering families. As a life coach, disability inclusivity consultant, and special education advocate, I get to do all of these things and more. This new chapter of my life is just as exciting and fulfilling as being a teacher was, but in a whole new way.

Besides, when I start missing “my kids” too much, I just pick up some substitute teaching days and get right back in the classroom to get my fix. While my teaching career has come full circle, my coaching and consulting career has just begun.

www.kfreyconsulting.com

More Than Words

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Uncategorized

Four months ago today, I lost my soulmate. Her name was Chanda, and she had been my best friend for over 30 years. We had walked this path of life together since we were 11 years old. We were together through puberty, adolescence, college, marriages, children, divorces, and everything else under the sun. I wrote on this blog of her dad’s passing back in 2013 and how it changed everything. However, losing her changes things even more profoundly than that event had. I mentioned previously that there were life-altering events that occurred in 2018, and this is definitely the biggest one. Her passing has changed everything forever and in every way, and although it is still too soon and the wounds are still too fresh to write freely today, I was compelled to pause for a moment to remember her. For in remembering those who pass before us, we honor them and the impact they had on our lives. She was my “Thunder Buddy for Life,” and I miss her more than words can express.

Every Day I’m Shuffling

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Motivational, Running, fitness, Uncategorized

2018 was a year full of fantastic high points and absolutely devastating low ones. I know people often write their reflections on the previous year sometime in January, but I have only recently returned to blogging, so I missed the boat then. However, there are things about last year I need to share in order to fully write about the present or begin to look towards the future.

Tomorrow I am running the Chicago Shamrock Shuffle for the 6th year in a row. I love this race, and it is often the official start of racing/running season for me. Last year I almost didn’t participate in this event though, because approximately six weeks prior, on the day after Super Bowl Sunday, I was rushed to the emergency room with excruciating pain. I could barely swallow or speak. I thought it was a lymph node infection or something like that, but I didn’t believe it was anything dangerous. Boy, was I wrong! The speed and efficiency at which the hospital staff moved once they determined the danger I was in was impressive. Long story short, the infection had caused swelling which in turn had caused my airway to become constricted. I had to have an emergency tracheotomy performed in order to save my life and a complex surgery to get rid of the infection. It was the scariest health situation I have ever been in, but ultimately – I. Am. Here.

Last year I was cleared to run this race only a couple of weeks prior to the event. I didn’t care though. I was just ecstatic to be out there. I actually cried a little as I ran around the last bend before the finish line because I was so grateful to still be alive, much less running. This year, I’m trying to set a new personal record on this course as a testament to still being alive and a tribute to those who have gone on before me. Every day is such a gift. Let us use those gifts wisely as we shuffle on.

‘Cause everything you thought would last forever

Never lasts forever like you plan

Don’t let your now become another

So take life by the hands while you still can – Brothers Osborne

Fast Forward Five Years

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Empty Nest, Uncategorized

The last time I posted back in 2014, I talked about not really knowing anyone here in the city. As a middle-aged mom with an empty nest in a city of millions, and in the dead of one of the coldest winters in decades, meeting people was a little difficult – to put it lightly. But as the weather warmed up, and I ventured out, I started to connect with other people, and since that time I’m happy to report that I have met so many wonderful people and have added such meaningful relationships to my life. Making new friends is hard at any stage of life. It requires a person to be willing to take some risks. Yes, in some cases you might get hurt, but I have found that more often than not, the energy you put out into the world is what will make its way back to you. If you find yourself feeling alone and in need of friends, the best advice I can give is to start by being friendly to others. Be willing to try new things and strike up conversations with people around you. As human beings, we are wired to desire connections with others. Just a smile or a warm greeting could be enough to spark new friendships. Also…offering s’mores….that will definitely help foster lasting friendships. But more on that another time!

So Much to Say (sorry, DMB)

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Education, Parenting, Empty Nest, Running, fitness, Uncategorized

I must admit – since the last time I actually wrote, there have been many times when I’ve started a new blog post in my mind (usually while running or when reading something interesting while on my commute to work). Unfortunately, I didn’t sit and actually write them. That is definitely something I am going to work on improving over the course of this year. The whole reason I started this blog is because I have a lot to say, but it doesn’t do much good if I don’t actually take the time to say it.
Having gotten that off my chest, there is so much going on right now. Winter is fading, spring break is four days away (along with a trip to Florida), my son is officially living here (and just got a job!), I’m running strong again (outside!)…the list could go on. It’s hard to believe I’ve already been back in the city for almost nine months. Every day, I wake up at peace with my decision to move up here- even though I miss my Florida friends and family dearly. I still haven’t met a lot of people outside of my co-workers, but with the weather warming up, I’m looking forward to being out and about in the city and having more opportunities to strike up friendships. While my work is emotionally exhausting at times, I love my students and the adults who work alongside me. I am loving my life and want to help others do the same. So excuse me for being all over the place with this post. I promise I’ll be more on-topic in the future, or at least stick to one topic. For now, to borrow from my absolute favorite band yet again – “Celebrate we will, because life is sweet but short for certain.” (Dave Matthews Band for those who aren’t in the know)

Hello, Again!

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Empty Nest, Running, fitness, Uncategorized

Happy New Year, everyone! Wow! It has been a long time since I last wrote, and for that I apologize. Shortly after my last post, I moved into my own apartment and proceeded to spend the next week in the hospital. I didn’t have Internet in my new place until right before the holidays, and well… You know how the holidays go. So, here I am, four months later, finally ready to continue blogging. There is so much to discuss I’m not even sure where to start, but I think I will start with the most bittersweet: birthdays.
As I write this, there have been two major birthday milestones in my family. My daughter turned 21 in September, and I turned 40 in November. On top of that, my son is turning 19 tomorrow, and it’s his first birthday for which I haven’t been there. It also marks the last year that I can say I have a teenager. So, yes – the birthdays are bittersweet this time around.
For my daughter’s 21st birthday, she came over to the city with a friend of hers. My best friend flew up for the night, and together with my brothers we danced the night away. It is a memory I will always treasure. I love that my daughter is getting to the age where, while she is still “my child,” she is also becoming “my friend.”
As for that whole turning 40 thing, I really am okay with it. Looking back on my life so far, I have accomplished the goals that I have set for myself up until this point. Yes, there have been struggles along the way, but I am very proud of what I have accomplished so far. I am also very excited about what my future holds. I have a whole new list of goals to accomplish for the second half of my life (more on that another time). It was weird spending my birthday with my mom and brothers and without either of my children or any of my friends, but on a positive note – since I am a Thanksgiving baby I was able to celebrate with them only a couple of days later. Therefore, I will now have the best of both worlds for my birthday!
Funny enough, the toughest birthday of the three is definitely my son’s. This will be his last year as a teenager, and I’m having difficulty processing that. My son is an almost-grown man, even though I feel like it was just yesterday that he was my little boy. I must admit, if there was ever a moment where I could freeze time, this would be it.
Speaking of birthdays, it is almost midnight in Florida. I am off to tell my son happy birthday. I promise I won’t leave you hanging for another four months!

The Almost-Empty Nest

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Empty Nest, Uncategorized

Of all the hats I wear, being a mom is the most important one. My children are my everything. They are the reasons behind everything I do, every decision I make. I was married at 18 and had my daughter soon afterward. My son came along two years and four months later, just as we planned it. Contrary to what many people thought at the time, my kids weren’t “oops” babies. Their births were planned precisely, much to my mother’s chagrin. I was young, in love, and knew that I had a list of goals a mile long that I wanted to accomplish. I was worried if I didn’t have children early, I would get so caught up in pursuing those goals that I would “forget” to have kids. I can honestly say, even though we were really poor for a really long time, it was the best decision I ever made. Furthermore, I have met each goal I created by the milestones I had predetermined oh, so long ago. I take pride in my accomplishments but am even more proud of the young adults my children have grown to be. I now find myself at the verge of having an empty nest. My daughter is finishing her second year of college, so she has one foot in the nest and the other one on the branch. She is poised to fly, and I realize it more each day. My son is graduating in less than a month. He is going into the Air Force, and I just found out that he earned an ASVAB score high enough to guarantee him pretty much any job he would like. As if all this growing up wasn’t enough, I will be celebrating my 40th birthday later this year. I really just want to stop the clock and have some time to savor this moment because everything is happening so fast. When my daughter went off to school, I was hit with the realization that our relationship would change drastically- that although she technically still called our family house her home, it would never be the same. I understand that a little deeper each time she’s home on a break from school. The house is a little cleaner, special menu items are cooked, my regular schedule is interrupted (and I am sometimes a little aggravated by it). These are the types of issues that should occur when house guests arrive, or out-of-town relatives, not my own kid. But then, I remember. My kid IS an out-of-town relative. As if that’s not mind-boggling enough, now my son is about to join her. My son, who at his birth I knew would be my last baby. My son, who grew up being told that he would always be my baby (a statement that now causes him to grimace). His exit from the nest will be much more severe. Not only is there not another child still at home for me to focus all my attention on, but he will be at the beck and call of the Armed Forces. There will be the added stress and worry of where he gets sent and what will face him when he gets there. I want to stop time. Since I can’t, I will treasure every second I possibly can while I have them. My daughter is halfway through college, my son is about to leave home, and I’m on the brink of 40. Thank goodness running is cheaper than therapy…but we’ll talk about that next time.