Tag: Motherhood

Not a Grandma

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Uncategorized

You might have noticed the two beautiful kiddos with me on my About page. If you haven’t, you should go check them out because they are truly good-looking. Although I can’t take all the credit since they are not mine but my daughter’s.

Now before you rush to call me grandma, let me say that although I have two amazing grandchildren, I am not a grandma. I am known as Moma, which we’ve decided means “more momma” or “momx2,” whichever you prefer. See, I had my children when I was very young. I was actually still a teenager when my daughter was born. So even though she waited much longer to have her first child, when she did I was still relatively young in the grand scheme of things (pun intended). Trying to decide what my soon-to-be grandson would call me was a pretty complex process. I wanted to be called Lola, as that is the name for grandmother in Tagalog, a primary language in the Philippines, and I am a proud first-generation daughter of a Filipino immigrant mother. However, that’s what my children already called my mother, so having two Lolas in the family would be too confusing. Years prior to this, when my son first adopted his dog, he had declared that I couldn’t be his dog’s mom because he was his dog’s dad. Therefore, he had stated that I was the dog’s grandma. To which I quickly replied, “I am not a grandma.” He then went on to come up with “Noma,” short for “Not Grandma.” So when by grandson entered the world, I decided that Noma would work just fine. My grandson had other ideas. As much as I tried, I only managed to get him to say “Noma” one time. He would say, “no” and “ma” but when he would put it together, he would switch it to Moma. So, Moma stuck, and he loves the fact that he’s the one who gave me my name.

I’m sure you’ve heard the quote, “If I had known grandchildren would be so much fun, I would have had them first.” I had too, but you truly can’t appreciate it or understand its depth until you’ve had a grandchild. I love my children and would still do anything I can for them, but the love I have for my grandchildren is on a completely different level. They have enriched my life in ways that I didn’t even know was possible, and for that I am so grateful. I’m even more grateful for the fact that they only live a couple miles away from me so I get to see them on a regular basis. I have many friends who aren’t so lucky. While my children have always been my inspiration to work hard, set goals and achieve them, and live a life they could admire (or at least not be embarrassed of), my grandchildren are my inspiration to build something that will be around long after I’m gone, to create a legacy that they can one day inherit. So while I might be “More Momma” to them, my grandchildren are the grandest inspiration to me.

A New Beginning

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Empty Nest, Uncategorized

I’m here! Even though I am currently in my brother’s apartment in Chicago, the fact that I am not just here for a visit has not quite sunk in yet – even with the knowledge that I start work on Monday and start my second job on Tuesday. After saying I was one day returning to the city, today is that one day. The journey was arduous. Everything that could’ve gone wrong did. It took us almost 30 hours to get here, we drove through rain, fog, mountains, and even had a flat tire. First we drove to Michigan to drop off my daughter. We had to unload her stuff from the truck, then go to the storage place, load up that stuff, and bring it back to her apartment. That was definitely a milestone moment. I’m grateful I got to be there with her as she began the process of moving in to her own place. We went grocery shopping together, and I was able to share her first meal in her new home with her. Moments like that are priceless. Watching her unpack her kitchen and decide where to put things really impressed upon me the circle of life. That and the fact that my son is no longer with me. Leaving him behind in Florida was heart-wrenching. It is hard to write about because I miss him terribly. I wasn’t ready for him to leave, not that parents ever are. (Well, maybe sometimes.) However, ready or not – here I am. New job, new city, new opportunities, and new adventures. Let the journey begin…

Does Reese’s Make an Almond Butter Cup?

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Uncategorized

Going out to eat with my brothers and children is always an adventure. Besides the fact that we thoroughly enjoy each other’s company, our dietary needs are quite intricate. One of my brothers is allergic to corn, another brother is allergic to dairy and gluten, and my daughter is a lactose-intolerant vegetarian. Fortunately, my son and I will eat pretty much anything (especially if it’s bacon flavored!). I tend to give my gluten/dairy-free brother a hard time because his diet is so limited. I’m his sister, and that’s my job. However, you know what they say….

What goes around comes around.

My daughter had started complaining about severe gastrointestinal issues while she was away at school. Since she’s 1400 miles away, there wasn’t much I could do about them other than asking some routine questions, assume she had a stomach virus, was stressed, ate something that didn’t sit right with her system, etc. etc. When she came home for the summer, we brought it up to the doctor at a routine check-up. We decided to keep a food diary to help establish a trigger. Although she forgot to actually start one, I kept a mental note. (I am a tiger mom, remember?) The other afternoon, seemingly out of nowhere, she began having severe stomach pains, feeling dizzy, nauseas, and eventually began throwing up. This was the first time she had been like this since coming home, and the only thing she had eaten in the last 24 hours that she hadn’t eaten since her arrival was peanut butter. That’s when it hit me. Peanuts! I asked her if she had eaten peanuts within 24 hours of any time she had been sick like that while at school. She couldn’t remember. I felt very strongly that somehow she had developed an intolerance/allergy to peanuts and told her. Now, you have to understand, as a vegetarian, peanut butter is a staple for my child. She has been known to eat it straight out of the jar with a spoon and can eat a whole bag of Reese’s peanut butter cups in one sitting! The more we talked about it, the more I believed that I was right. As if to prove a point, she decided to eat a package of her beloved Reese’s a couple of days later, and you guessed it. Within a couple hours, she felt like she had “knives stabbing her in the stomach.” She then remembered a couple of times at school having problems after eating Thai peanut sauce on her noodles.
So today was her neurologist check-up (she takes medicine for recurring migraines). She told him the whole story, and in short, we are headed for blood work. He explained that one intolerance often leads to another. She has been lactose intolerant since birth. Formula made from cow’s milk broke her out in hives when she was a baby.There is a family history of celiac disease, which means a gluten intolerance could be one of her migraine triggers, and now there is the peanut issue. Phew! Thankfully, there have been so many advancements made in the dietary world. Just wait until my brother finds out…

Reclaiming Saturdays

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Empty Nest, Parenting, Running, Fitness

I have recently fallen in love with Saturday mornings. Anyone with children knows that Saturdays tend to be as hectic as a weekday. You get up early, maybe do some housecleaning before you run to the grocery store or take the kids to whatever activities they have going on that day. Then, your kids hit the point where they can drive themselves to their activities, but as their mom you are still obligated to attend. However, not too long after that, they reach a point where they no longer have activities for you to attend. At that point, you wake up on a Saturday morning and think, “Wow, I have nothing going on today.” Although I work nights at my part-time job on the weekends, I am currently at that point, and I don’t feel guilty admitting that I’m enjoying it. I wake up on Saturday mornings, go to yoga class, and then go run the causeway spanning across the river. Often, I am rewarded for my efforts with the sight of dolphins playing in the water. Occasionally, after I’ve put in all that hard work burning calories, I’ll stop at the local coffee shop and enjoy what they call an iced heroin (with skim milk AND whipped cream. A girl’s gotta have priorities!) At those moments, I feel so refreshed, in tune with myself, and at peace with the world around me. If your children are currently at a stage in your life where Saturdays are a whirlwind, don’t worry – your time will come. It will happen faster than you could ever imagine, though, so cherish your time with them while you can. For those who are facing those empty Saturdays, use them to find yourself again. Go for a run, take that painting class, or curl up in the hammock and read a book. Above all, don’t feel guilty for being happy to have those moments back to yourself. You deserve them. Namaste.

Lessons from the Dorm

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Empty Nest

It has been awhile since my last post. That is because I have been out of state collecting my daughter from college. The whole process of moving your child either in or out of a dorm is sure-fire way to realize the ways she has become an adult…and the ways she has not. I have been reminding my daughter for over a month that she needed to get all of her things packed. Last year, it was a mad dash at the last second. She had waited until finals week to start and was scrambling around trying to finish projects, study for tests, and pack a year’s worth of items in a single week. Not the best plan. This year, I kept telling her that we didn’t want a repeat of last year. She assured me that we wouldn’t. “I’ve got it, Mom.” Famous last words. When I arrived to her dorm this year, she had even less packed than she had last year. On top of that, she owned a lot more to pack than she had last year. So, once again, there was the scramble to get everything done in the allotted time frame. Ultimately, everything was packed, the U-haul cargo van was loaded, and the storage unit was once again filled to the brim. The process was exhausting. However, I had the opportunity to meet her friends and see my daughter in what has become her natural habitat. I listened as she discussed her school and her adventures. I listened as she talked about the ups and downs of living in Michigan. I went with her to see her first apartment – she picked it out and signed the lease. I am amazed and proud that this young woman is my daughter. She is intelligent, capable, and vivacious. Yet, her insecurities and vulnerabilities; her frantic “I need your help” texts; and occasional teary-eyed phone calls also remind me that she is still growing and maturing. I haven’t completely lost my little girl; I have started to gain a cherished friend.

Whose Child?

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Education, Parenting, Uncategorized

There is a popular cartoon that has made it’s way around social media for awhile now. In it, there are two halves with almost the exact same picture. There are two parents, a child, and a teacher. It is evident that this is a parent teacher conference. The captions are, “Then,” and, “Now.” In the picture for Then, the parents are demanding the student explain why he has such bad grades. In the Now picture, the parents are demanding the teacher explain why their child has bad grades. As a teacher and parent, I have seen both situations occur in my class. I will be the first to say that my kids have had some phenomenal teachers….and some not-so-phenomenal teachers. I will also say that, just as in any profession, there will always be the handful of teachers who you wish would choose a different career path. However, the good teachers far outweigh the bad ones. For every one negative or unproductive teacher I have come across, whether as a parent or a co-worker, there are a multitude of great ones. Those are the teachers who get to work an hour early and stay an hour late, plus lug even more work home with them. These teachers spend their non-working hours finding ways to perfect their craft by attending classes, workshops, conferences, and the like. They spend their summers designing the units they will teach the upcoming year. Their smartphones and tablets are filled with educational apps as they try to find new and exciting ways to reach their students. These teachers dedicate their lives to helping their students achieve their full potential. Yet, for all the amazing things educators do for your kids, the reality is that they are your kids. Your children, and their education, is your responsibility – just like my children’s education was mine. When I have parents upset with me that their child failed a course when the reason for the F was that he had more missing assignments than completed ones, I just want to ask them, “Where have you been all semester? Where were you when we had our Open House? Where were you when interims and report cards were sent out? What about parent teacher conference night? Where were you every week, as your child’s grades were uploaded to the district posting site, and you received an email telling you what your child’s grade was at that very moment?” I don’t ask these questions, but I should. Then, when the parent tried to make excuses for their lack of involvement in their child’s education, I would inform them that their excuses don’t hold any weight with me. I was a single parent for the majority of my children’s K-12 educational career. I have worked two jobs for over a decade to make ends meet. I even completed grad school during this same time. Yet, at any second of any day, I could tell you exactly what my children’s grades were in every single class they were taking. Why? Because more than anything else, being their parent was my first priority. As such, being involved in their education was always a given. End of story. No excuses. As this school year comes to a close, may we all share that same belief.

I am a Runner

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Running, Fitness, Uncategorized

It is fitting that my first blog about running is being written tonight. Tomorrow morning, I am running our local art festival’s 5k race. Seven years ago, this is the race that started it all. I have ran at various times in my life. I was on my middle school track team; I ran for fun during high school (too bad my tiny private school didn’t have a track team); I ran for fitness. However, that first 5k is when I became a runner. I loved the camaraderie, the challenge, and then the thrill of finishing. I was hooked. Later that same year, my marriage began to fall apart as I found out that my now ex-husband was seeing another woman. It crushed my spirit. Even though this was my second marriage, I had poured myself into making this family work so my children could have the stability of a two-parent home. Their biological father had all but vanished from their lives due to his struggles with mental illness and addiction. My son didn’t even remember him and considered his step-father to be his “dad.” I thought, although we had our struggles, overall we were a happy family. Imagine my shock to find out this wasn’t the case. In the middle of this heartbreak, I turned to running. Out on the open road, it was just me and God. As I ran, I would pray, reminisce, sort through my thoughts, meditate, and just be. My runs were a respite from the circumstances in my life I couldn’t control. I could control every aspect of my runs- how far, how fast, how frequent. A year later, I ran that same art fest 5k. This time, there wasn’t anyone waiting for me at the finish line. But I ran it quite a bit faster than I had the year before 🙂 And I felt like a load had been lifted off me as I crossed that finish line. I knew I was strong. I knew I could overcome. I knew I wanted more. So I signed up for my first half-marathon seven months later. Training for that first half gave me so much strength, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. So of course, when I completed that one, I a) signed up for another and b) signed up for my first marathon. Running my first marathon was an experience that deserves its own entry, but suffice to say for now that it was one of the crowning achievements in my life. And here I am, seven years later….still running. There have been obstacles along the way – a fractured foot, ruptured discs, grad school. Yet, I always return to running. A happy life requires balance. My family fuels my heart, my faith fuels my spirit, but running fuels my soul.

The Almost-Empty Nest

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Empty Nest, Uncategorized

Of all the hats I wear, being a mom is the most important one. My children are my everything. They are the reasons behind everything I do, every decision I make. I was married at 18 and had my daughter soon afterward. My son came along two years and four months later, just as we planned it. Contrary to what many people thought at the time, my kids weren’t “oops” babies. Their births were planned precisely, much to my mother’s chagrin. I was young, in love, and knew that I had a list of goals a mile long that I wanted to accomplish. I was worried if I didn’t have children early, I would get so caught up in pursuing those goals that I would “forget” to have kids. I can honestly say, even though we were really poor for a really long time, it was the best decision I ever made. Furthermore, I have met each goal I created by the milestones I had predetermined oh, so long ago. I take pride in my accomplishments but am even more proud of the young adults my children have grown to be. I now find myself at the verge of having an empty nest. My daughter is finishing her second year of college, so she has one foot in the nest and the other one on the branch. She is poised to fly, and I realize it more each day. My son is graduating in less than a month. He is going into the Air Force, and I just found out that he earned an ASVAB score high enough to guarantee him pretty much any job he would like. As if all this growing up wasn’t enough, I will be celebrating my 40th birthday later this year. I really just want to stop the clock and have some time to savor this moment because everything is happening so fast. When my daughter went off to school, I was hit with the realization that our relationship would change drastically- that although she technically still called our family house her home, it would never be the same. I understand that a little deeper each time she’s home on a break from school. The house is a little cleaner, special menu items are cooked, my regular schedule is interrupted (and I am sometimes a little aggravated by it). These are the types of issues that should occur when house guests arrive, or out-of-town relatives, not my own kid. But then, I remember. My kid IS an out-of-town relative. As if that’s not mind-boggling enough, now my son is about to join her. My son, who at his birth I knew would be my last baby. My son, who grew up being told that he would always be my baby (a statement that now causes him to grimace). His exit from the nest will be much more severe. Not only is there not another child still at home for me to focus all my attention on, but he will be at the beck and call of the Armed Forces. There will be the added stress and worry of where he gets sent and what will face him when he gets there. I want to stop time. Since I can’t, I will treasure every second I possibly can while I have them. My daughter is halfway through college, my son is about to leave home, and I’m on the brink of 40. Thank goodness running is cheaper than therapy…but we’ll talk about that next time.