I don’t like good-byes. I don’t think anyone does, really. Good-byes mean changes, and no one likes those either. However, if we never said good-bye to anything, that would mean we were never going anywhere. If we are never changing, that means we are never growing. There is a word we use for something that never moves or grows. That word is dead.
Having said that, this last week and a half is full of good-byes for me. I have lived in Florida longer than I previously lived in Chicago (28 years vs. 11). Furthermore, I have lived here for all my important life milestones – marriage, children, college, and work. I have attended the same church this whole time, and my best friend has been my best friend since I arrived. I’ve worked in the same school district for a decade working part-time in the same restaurant for the same decade. That is a lot of stability. I am confident that this is the right time for me to go, but that doesn’t mean that I am not sad about leaving. This week, I am busy trying to see people one last time before I go. I have dinners, lunches, and of course – runs scheduled with various individuals. I have a going-away party scheduled for this weekend. I have plans to spend quality time with my kids, since neither of them will actually be living in the city with me. Although I have (sort of) adjusted to my daughter living away at school, this is the first time I will be away from my son. As I’ve been making the rounds, I have been telling people that this is not a permanent good-bye; it is just a temporary one. I know I’ll be back. I know I’ll actually be back quite often. Although for years I have been counting the days until I could return to the city, ultimately I have ties to this community that run deep. They have helped mold me into the person I am today, and I really like the person I turned out to be. Yes, there have been many turbulent times, but those periods have only made me stronger, more focused, and better equipped to accomplish my future goals. Knowing all this makes the rounds of good-byes easier. That’s what this part of my journey is all about, and it is exciting and frightening at the same time. I am alive; therefore, I grow. I change. I say good-bye (or at least, “See you later).
Tag: Moving
Going Forth
I think this is one of the most discombobulated times of my life. Everything is changing. Some of the changes are self-induced; some of them are circumstantial. Regardless, half the time I’m having difficulty keeping track of whether I am coming or going! Part of that might be related to the fact that I am currently based out of two separate houses while I am preparing to make my big move.
Since my last post, we had the memorial service for Dad and the installation service for his son as our new pastor. That was the most emotionally-draining weekend ever. While I believe that everything went just as Dad would’ve wanted it, it is still hard to wrap my head around the reality that he is gone. Although it is impossible, I keep thinking that at any moment he will show up and this will all have been some horrible dream.
Yet, as further proof that life goes on, I flew up to Chicago last week for a final interview and left with the job. I am going back to my roots – teaching a self-contained middle school class for students with severe emotional and behavioral disabilities (EBD). Students with EBD are my passion. I feel that I am best suited to teach these kids and am so excited about this position. I truly feel that I have been given my dream job. In fact, when I first graduated from college this is the exact type of position for which I was looking.
As excited as I am about this new opportunity and returning to the city, I also feel a deepening sadness about the people I am leaving behind. The fact that my son is staying here until he goes off to boot camp is overwhelming. I feel guilty about leaving my best friend and family right when I feel they need me the most. My boyfriend has to stay here for now because his children are much younger than mine, and he can’t leave them (nor would I want him to). Plus, I have many cherished friends I am leaving behind in exchange for a city where I will only know a handful of people (at first). Yet, every time I start to feel a little panicked, I remind myself that this was my decision. I want to be back in the city. I want to be closer to my daughter, and my son will soon be gone anyway. Many people have had successful long-distance relationships, and I will always be here for my best friend and adopted family – no matter the miles between us. This is my path, and down it I must travel. I still have goals I need to accomplish, and I know I am heading to a place where I can best do that. It is time for me to do in my life exactly what I always tell my students, “Go forth and conquer.”
Packing Pressure
Moving is never fun. Even when the move is a happy occasion, the actual act of moving is something we all dislike. Sorting, cleaning, packing, loading and unloading boxes…it’s exhausting! Last year, I had the daunting task of packing up eight years’ worth of belongings to move across town. The house I left was the first house I had owned. It was also the longest time I had ever lived in one place. I had forgotten about how terrible moving was. Plus, I was downsizing. Therefore, I had to decide what to keep and what to discard, give away, sell, etc. This time around, I am moving across the country. I actually am moving all my belongings into storage for a month before I then load it up in the Uhaul to lug across state lines. Even then, I will first go to my daughter’s new apartment at her college, unload her half of the items, unpack her storage, and drop her off before I ultimately end up at my destination. Once there, I will then have to put my things back into a storage unit until I find a permanent residence. By the time this is all done and over with, I will have moved enough to last me for quite some time. Craziness. I know in the end this will all pay off, but right now, the sea of boxes and piles of belongings is just a little ridiculous. It also can be just a little stressful. That’s where the running and yoga take over. I have tried to maintain a consistent schedule with both, even through the chaos, because I know that if I don’t, I will probably spontaneously combust. Just today, I realized I was feeling slightly more agitated than usual. I also realized that I haven’t had a good long run for awhile. There have been short jaunts and (almost) daily yoga classes, but nothing long enough to work the kinks out. So, that has been added to the top of my to do list. I know I need to hit the road to release some of the pressure I am feeling. Out there, it’s just God and me. I pray, meditate, reflect, and just let myself be. That is why I agree with the words of John Bryant, “My feeling is that any day I am too busy to run is a day that I am too busy.”
Words from the Long Run 