Tag: parenting

Not a Grandma

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Uncategorized

You might have noticed the two beautiful kiddos with me on my About page. If you haven’t, you should go check them out because they are truly good-looking. Although I can’t take all the credit since they are not mine but my daughter’s.

Now before you rush to call me grandma, let me say that although I have two amazing grandchildren, I am not a grandma. I am known as Moma, which we’ve decided means “more momma” or “momx2,” whichever you prefer. See, I had my children when I was very young. I was actually still a teenager when my daughter was born. So even though she waited much longer to have her first child, when she did I was still relatively young in the grand scheme of things (pun intended). Trying to decide what my soon-to-be grandson would call me was a pretty complex process. I wanted to be called Lola, as that is the name for grandmother in Tagalog, a primary language in the Philippines, and I am a proud first-generation daughter of a Filipino immigrant mother. However, that’s what my children already called my mother, so having two Lolas in the family would be too confusing. Years prior to this, when my son first adopted his dog, he had declared that I couldn’t be his dog’s mom because he was his dog’s dad. Therefore, he had stated that I was the dog’s grandma. To which I quickly replied, “I am not a grandma.” He then went on to come up with “Noma,” short for “Not Grandma.” So when by grandson entered the world, I decided that Noma would work just fine. My grandson had other ideas. As much as I tried, I only managed to get him to say “Noma” one time. He would say, “no” and “ma” but when he would put it together, he would switch it to Moma. So, Moma stuck, and he loves the fact that he’s the one who gave me my name.

I’m sure you’ve heard the quote, “If I had known grandchildren would be so much fun, I would have had them first.” I had too, but you truly can’t appreciate it or understand its depth until you’ve had a grandchild. I love my children and would still do anything I can for them, but the love I have for my grandchildren is on a completely different level. They have enriched my life in ways that I didn’t even know was possible, and for that I am so grateful. I’m even more grateful for the fact that they only live a couple miles away from me so I get to see them on a regular basis. I have many friends who aren’t so lucky. While my children have always been my inspiration to work hard, set goals and achieve them, and live a life they could admire (or at least not be embarrassed of), my grandchildren are my inspiration to build something that will be around long after I’m gone, to create a legacy that they can one day inherit. So while I might be “More Momma” to them, my grandchildren are the grandest inspiration to me.

New Year, New Reforms

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Education, Uncategorized

Hello, and Happy New Year! The Roaring 20’s is one of my favorite time periods in history, and I look forward to what this new decade has in store for us. It’s been awhile since my last post, but now that the hustle and bustle of the holiday season is over, I’m ready to get back to work and am focused on my goals for the year.

Interestingly enough though, this post is NOT about my 2020 goal agenda. I was actually inspired to write this post because of events that unfolded during our mid-year standardized testing that occurred upon our return from winter break.

I have been teaching for almost 20 years, and I have spent the majority of this time teaching special education. Even during the years I taught high school, although I wasn’t specifically teaching special education classes, as a dual-licensed faculty member of the English department, if you were a student with an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) that qualified you for special education services, I was your English teacher. So as a teacher who has had to administer standardized tests to students with special needs every year, I am intimately aware of the fact that the overabundance of standardized testing, and the subsequent reliance on their results, has wreaked damage to a population of students who already have a plethora of obstacles hindering their educational success.

Just to be clear, standardized testing is not new. Ever since Alfred Binet developed an intelligence test in 1905, there has been standardized testing designed to determine if you are smart enough, performing to certain measures, and/or the right fit for the job (or school). However, when then-President George W. Bush’s No Child Left Behind Act was passed in 2001, the use of standardized testing proliferated, and is now present across all grade levels, even amongst our youngest students in preschool and kindergarten and our most fragile populations of students with special needs.

Going back to our school’s recent testing window, our district was conducting Middle-of-the-Year NWEA MAP testing. Within my district, this same test is given at the end of the year as well. If you are in certain “benchmark” grades and you don’t pass the test, it is mandatory for you to be retained.

The MAP test in and of itself is not the worst test out there. It is an adaptive test. It is designed to either increase or decrease the rigor depending on the student’s performance. However, it also purposefully gives students questions on topics they haven’t been taught yet (supposedly to determine the student’s readiness for those topics). It is an untimed test, and students are allowed to take a break, pause the test, or even suspend it until a later time. All of this sounds great in theory. Until you have a student in the third grade on the Autism Spectrum who has extreme testing anxiety or a fifth grade student who has been diagnosed with significant emotional disabilities and is currently living with his aunt as his foster parent due to the emotional trauma he suffered when living with his mother. Both of these students are below-grade level. Their teachers already know that. Their cognitive and academic testing that was completed in order for them to qualify for special education services has proven that. The progress monitoring that is completed all throughout the year to determine whether or not they are on-track to meet their IEP goals shows their progress and keeps all of their teachers accountable. But yet, these students, and thousands like them, are required to take a test that creates undue stress and negatively impacts their self-esteem. My third grade student with autism was so frozen with fear all he could do was sit and cry. My fifth grade student had a complete breakdown in the testing room and had to be removed altogether. Why are non-educators so intent on forcing kids who already know what they don’t know (and feel inferior to their peers because of it) to prove on a test what exactly they don’t know?

For the parents who are reading this blog, please know that this unhealthy pattern of over-testing and developmentally inappropriate testing will continue until you band together and demand change. Teachers will support you if you demand testing policy overhauls, because teachers know that all this testing isn’t in the best interest of any of our students, not just those with special needs. The testing craziness began in earnest with politicians who didn’t have any teaching experience of their own trying to hold teachers accountable. (Oh, the irony, I know.) It is time to tell our current, and future, politicians that the harm we are causing our children must be put to an end. Let’s put policies in place that ensure that no student has to walk out of a room feeling broken and defeated. Now that would truly ensure that no child is left behind.

Spring Fever

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Education, Uncategorized

It’s May. Mid-May to be exact. While spring is a time of freshness and excitement as we leave behind the bitterness of winter, for teachers it is probably the hardest time of the year. For teachers, spring means students who are so close to summer vacation they struggle even more than usual to pay attention in class. Spring means students getting a week off from school and returning to class saying they don’t remember anything from the week prior. Spring means lots of rainy days where kids can’t go outside for recess. And spring means end-of-the-year testing – which will often determine whether or not students are promoted to the next grade and is also a large factor of a teacher’s performance evaluation.

Generally speaking, teachers are fond of assessments. We understand that in order to determine what our students learn, there must be an assessment given. We know that analyzing student assessments will guide our future instruction to make it more meaningful for our kids. We firmly believe that educators need to be held accountable for the education they are providing. No truly good teacher wants a bad teacher tarnishing the profession and creating an increased workload for his or her co-workers. However, the increased amount of standardized testing, the pressures it places on our students, and the degree of importance it now has been given to both students and educators is overwhelming. Children as young as eight and nine discuss being scared about testing because they’re afraid they’re going to fail. Teachers lose over a month of instructional time a year due to students taking standardized tests. Because these tests are now used as promotion criteria for many students, they usually take place about a month ahead of the last day of school. So teachers lose even more valuable instructional time because once these tests are completed, students simply check-out mentally seeing as they have already taken “the test.” And teachers who work with some of the most challenging populations are penalized on their evaluations because their students did not perform well due to a myriad of factors that were out of the teacher’s control.

Teacher Appreciation Week was already held at the beginning of May, but if you didn’t get a chance to thank a teacher, it’s never too late. As the school year is winding down, take time to acknowledge the growth your child has shown over the course of the school year and to appreciate your child(ren)’s teacher(s) for the part they played in it. If you don’t have school-aged children, send some encouragement to your friends who are teachers or maybe even drop off a surprise at your local neighborhood school. It will only take a few minutes of your time, but will mean a whole lot more than you know.

I’m Back!

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Education, Parenting, Parenting, Empty Nest, Parenting, Running, Fitness, Running, fitness, Uncategorized

So, it’s been awhile since I was last on this site. Five years to be exact. It is amazing how true the saying is that, “the days go by slow, but the years go by fast.” When I first moved back home to Chicago, my intent was to continue sharing my experiences as a teacher, mother, runner, and woman in today’s society. However, over time, I felt that blogging under the name “pseducator” (public school educator) wasn’t genuine since I was not teaching in a public school at the time. I thought about creating a new blog, but to be honest, life got in the way, and I never got around to it. So, here I am, back in the public education sector, and ready to muse about all that life has to offer. Since I last wrote you, so much has happened in my life and the world itself. To be honest, many times when I would be out running, I would craft a new blog post in my mind and think about getting on here to write it. I apologize that I never did, but I look forward to all that we have to discuss. If you were a previous follower of this blog, welcome back! If you are new to this site, welcome! Let this be the beginning of a long and fruitful relationship. I’ll talk to you soon.

Thanks, Matt Damon

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Education, Parenting, Uncategorized

In a recent blog post for The Washington Post, Valerie Strauss discusses actor Matt Damon’s most recent defense of teachers. Damon has had a history of speaking out on behalf of educators in America. I had the privilege of being at the 2011 Save Our Schools rally in Washington D.C. when he gave an impassioned speech defending teachers and attacking the current trends that are threatening public education today. In that speech, he mentioned “corporate reformers” who had never taught a day in their lives making decisions about what happens in classrooms across the country. In his most recent speech, he states, “I’ve always believed that they have to invite teachers into the discussion to help design policy. We would never let business men design warheads, why would you cut out educators when you’re designing education policy?” This is approximately the same question I ask consistently, to anyone who will listen. This is the same question that the American public needs to start asking as well. And not just who is guiding educational policy, but why? Why are wealthy private citizens and corporations trying (and often succeeding) to shape the future of public education? Why are they so determined to paint teachers as money-hungry, over-compensated, and only in education because it is a cush job? Have any of them ever spent a day with a room full of 5 year olds? Or adolescent, hormonal middle schoolers? I dare any of them to live a teacher’s life for one week. However, until the American public stands up for public education, these private entities will continue to yield an unreasonable amount of power and influence. After all, education is funded by public dollars, politicians determine where public dollars get spent, and private corporations bankroll politicians’ careers. In the meantime though, I do appreciate Matt Damon’s efforts on our behalf.
.post
Save Our Schools

Hello, Again!

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Empty Nest, Running, fitness, Uncategorized

Happy New Year, everyone! Wow! It has been a long time since I last wrote, and for that I apologize. Shortly after my last post, I moved into my own apartment and proceeded to spend the next week in the hospital. I didn’t have Internet in my new place until right before the holidays, and well… You know how the holidays go. So, here I am, four months later, finally ready to continue blogging. There is so much to discuss I’m not even sure where to start, but I think I will start with the most bittersweet: birthdays.
As I write this, there have been two major birthday milestones in my family. My daughter turned 21 in September, and I turned 40 in November. On top of that, my son is turning 19 tomorrow, and it’s his first birthday for which I haven’t been there. It also marks the last year that I can say I have a teenager. So, yes – the birthdays are bittersweet this time around.
For my daughter’s 21st birthday, she came over to the city with a friend of hers. My best friend flew up for the night, and together with my brothers we danced the night away. It is a memory I will always treasure. I love that my daughter is getting to the age where, while she is still “my child,” she is also becoming “my friend.”
As for that whole turning 40 thing, I really am okay with it. Looking back on my life so far, I have accomplished the goals that I have set for myself up until this point. Yes, there have been struggles along the way, but I am very proud of what I have accomplished so far. I am also very excited about what my future holds. I have a whole new list of goals to accomplish for the second half of my life (more on that another time). It was weird spending my birthday with my mom and brothers and without either of my children or any of my friends, but on a positive note – since I am a Thanksgiving baby I was able to celebrate with them only a couple of days later. Therefore, I will now have the best of both worlds for my birthday!
Funny enough, the toughest birthday of the three is definitely my son’s. This will be his last year as a teenager, and I’m having difficulty processing that. My son is an almost-grown man, even though I feel like it was just yesterday that he was my little boy. I must admit, if there was ever a moment where I could freeze time, this would be it.
Speaking of birthdays, it is almost midnight in Florida. I am off to tell my son happy birthday. I promise I won’t leave you hanging for another four months!

Back to School Advice for Parents

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Education, Parenting, Uncategorized

Because I had my children so young, my friends all have kids that are still in elementary school. I am often asked for advice on school-related issues since 1) I am a teacher and 2) I have already “been there, done that.” So, in honor of the beginning of a new school year, here is my list of top 5 things parents of school-aged children should know:

1) Be Involved. Research has proven time and time again that the most successful children in school have parents who are involved in their education. Go to Open House, PTA meetings, and attend Parent Conference night – even if your child is doing well. If your child’s teacher has a website, visit it often. Know what the homework is and assist when necessary (which is completely different from doing it for them.) If possible, volunteer in your child’s classroom. I promise you, there is always something that the teacher can have you do. Since I was a teacher for most of my children’s educational careers, I would use my personal days to spend time at their schools. Even an hour of your time would be greatly appreciated.

2) Be supportive. Make sure your child understands that you and the teacher are on the same side. If you have concerns about anything involving the classroom or school, contact the teacher immediately. Little issues become major problems when they aren’t resolved right away. However, that doesn’t mean that you should belittle or undermine your child’s teacher in front of her. Your child won’t respect her teacher if she feels that you don’t.

3) Be responsible. If you drive/walk with your child to school, get him there on time (and pick him up when you’re supposed to). Pay attention to the notes that are sent home, emails and newsletters that are distributed, and the school website. Read the school marquee and listen to the voicemails that get sent out. Your child will follow your example. If you demonstrate that school isn’t important by your actions, that’s what they will grow up to believe.

4) Be inquisitive. Ask your child about her day. Find out what she is reading and learning. Demonstrate a true interest when she tells you. Praise her when she does well on an assignment, and ask questions when she doesn’t. Ask her what she did well and what she needs to work on. Ask about the art projects, music classes, and PE activities as well. Find out everything you can. It will help foster a strong relationship with your child, plus it gives you the foundation for the first three principles mentioned.

5) Be appreciative. Let your child’s teachers know how much you appreciate them – and not just during Teacher Appreciation Week. You would be amazed at how much a small note or quick email can brighten a teacher’s day (I speak from experience). In these turbulent times for education, the teachers that are still in the trenches do it for their love of the children they teach. Your children. The same children who you couldn’t wait to get out of the house and back into school at the end of the summer.

“Teachers teach because they care. Teaching young people is what they do best. It requires long hours, patience, and care.”
–Horace Mann

Does Reese’s Make an Almond Butter Cup?

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Uncategorized

Going out to eat with my brothers and children is always an adventure. Besides the fact that we thoroughly enjoy each other’s company, our dietary needs are quite intricate. One of my brothers is allergic to corn, another brother is allergic to dairy and gluten, and my daughter is a lactose-intolerant vegetarian. Fortunately, my son and I will eat pretty much anything (especially if it’s bacon flavored!). I tend to give my gluten/dairy-free brother a hard time because his diet is so limited. I’m his sister, and that’s my job. However, you know what they say….

What goes around comes around.

My daughter had started complaining about severe gastrointestinal issues while she was away at school. Since she’s 1400 miles away, there wasn’t much I could do about them other than asking some routine questions, assume she had a stomach virus, was stressed, ate something that didn’t sit right with her system, etc. etc. When she came home for the summer, we brought it up to the doctor at a routine check-up. We decided to keep a food diary to help establish a trigger. Although she forgot to actually start one, I kept a mental note. (I am a tiger mom, remember?) The other afternoon, seemingly out of nowhere, she began having severe stomach pains, feeling dizzy, nauseas, and eventually began throwing up. This was the first time she had been like this since coming home, and the only thing she had eaten in the last 24 hours that she hadn’t eaten since her arrival was peanut butter. That’s when it hit me. Peanuts! I asked her if she had eaten peanuts within 24 hours of any time she had been sick like that while at school. She couldn’t remember. I felt very strongly that somehow she had developed an intolerance/allergy to peanuts and told her. Now, you have to understand, as a vegetarian, peanut butter is a staple for my child. She has been known to eat it straight out of the jar with a spoon and can eat a whole bag of Reese’s peanut butter cups in one sitting! The more we talked about it, the more I believed that I was right. As if to prove a point, she decided to eat a package of her beloved Reese’s a couple of days later, and you guessed it. Within a couple hours, she felt like she had “knives stabbing her in the stomach.” She then remembered a couple of times at school having problems after eating Thai peanut sauce on her noodles.
So today was her neurologist check-up (she takes medicine for recurring migraines). She told him the whole story, and in short, we are headed for blood work. He explained that one intolerance often leads to another. She has been lactose intolerant since birth. Formula made from cow’s milk broke her out in hives when she was a baby.There is a family history of celiac disease, which means a gluten intolerance could be one of her migraine triggers, and now there is the peanut issue. Phew! Thankfully, there have been so many advancements made in the dietary world. Just wait until my brother finds out…

Memorial Day

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Empty Nest, Uncategorized

Tomorrow I am taking my son to the Air Force recruiting office to turn in his application and begin the process of making him an Airman. To say I am nervous is an understatement. I know that this is a good decision. I know that he will benefit greatly from serving his country, in ways both tangible and intangible. However, I also know that I will miss him terribly. Even though he will probably not ship out for approximately 6-9months, I was not prepared to say good-bye to him so quickly. The original plan was for him to move with me to Chicago and then go to fire school there. He has dreamed of being a fire fighter since about the seventh grade. While he was in fire school, he would’ve just lived with me. In reality, I was expecting to have at least a couple of years with him still at home. That thought did not upset me. While my son and I have had some rough patches in our relationship, especially while he was going through the wilderness of puberty, we are at a really good place right now. He has matured and grown into a young man I truly enjoy. To lose him now that I feel like I just recently found him again is upsetting. Yet, as a parent who only wants the best for her child, I also know that this isn’t about me. In truth, I was the one that opened the door to this path. I knew that a life in the military would be an asset to my son. I knew he would only benefit from the experience. I only want the best for him, and this decision is the epitome of that wish. This Memorial Day, I pay tribute to the men and women who have served our country – past and present. Too many of you did not make it back to your families, and my prayers are with those you left behind. Your sacrifice and dedication is inspiring. As I prepare to send my son to join your ranks, although my heart is heavy, it is also full of pride. God Bless America, and each and every one of you.

I am a Tiger Mom

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Uncategorized

I was raised by a tiger mom. In turn, I myself am a tiger mom. I have no qualms admitting this fact. My mother was born and raised in the Philippines. She was sent to America to attend college so she could eventually support her parents and eight siblings back home. Which is exactly what she did. My mom knew that the world was a tough place, so as a child growing up, she prepared me for that. She taught me to be competitive, because let’s face it – the best jobs go to the best candidates. She taught me to persevere no matter what obstacles came at me, because she knew I would face many. She taught me to be disciplined, because who wants a world full of spoiled children and adults who are only concerned with getting their own way? She taught me a strong work ethic, something for which my employers are all grateful. My mom might not have been sentimental, but there has never, ever been a doubt in my mind that she loved me and wanted the best for me. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have cared enough to fight me so hard and instill these values in me. So, when I had my children, I did the same. I was “that mom.” The mom who made sure she knew all her kids’ friends, their parents, and had physically seen their homes before ever letting my children go to them. I was the mom who wouldn’t let my daughter wear make-up, heels, and mature clothing when she was only ten years old – no matter how much she argued that all her friends were doing it. My son is 18 years old and has never owned a Grand Theft Auto game. My kids understood at an early age that the rules were different for them than many of their friends. Now, I will admit that I am much more touchy-feely with my kids than my mom was with me, but it doesn’t change the fact that they will tell all their friends I am the most strict parent they have ever known. Yet, every day, they hug me, kiss me, tell me they love me. They thank me for caring enough about them to be so invested in their well-being. They have grown up to be amazing young adults, known for their honesty, responsibility, and good hearts. They both have goals and plans and are working to achieve them. So while every family and culture is different, go ahead and call me a tiger mom. It won’t offend me in the least.