Tag: parenting

Spinning Plates

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Empty Nest, Running, fitness, Uncategorized

My son is graduating from high school in six days, my daughter is halfway through college, I’ve turned in my letter of resignation, and am trying to pack both a classroom and a house in order to move across the country in less than three months. My brothers will be here in two days, and I have not yet cleaned my house (partially because I’m trying to pack it!) I have a graduation party to host, along with my track team’s annual awards picnic. (Did I mention I am the head coach?) Wow. That’s a lot for one person to absorb. Oh, did I mention that I don’t have a job lined up yet when I arrive back home to the Windy City? The funny thing is that, since I am dual certified to teach both English grades 6-12 and Special Education K-12, that whole job thing is the least of my worries. However, everything else? A little overwhelming. My mind feels like it’s racing continuously. I have so many to-do lists, they are on the verge of being counterproductive. I feel like the entertainer who spins plates for a living, constantly running from one plate to another to make sure that none of them come crashing down. Today, I actually almost fell asleep for real in yoga class as we were in our relaxation pose! Afterwards, I was briefly tempted to skip my run because I knew there was so much to do. But, I didn’t. I laced up my shoes and hit the road, and thank goodness I did. As I inhaled the cool evening air, I could feel my load get a little lighter. As I ran, I began plotting out a course of action – what to do, when to do it, etc. By the time I finished those three miles, the world was conquered, and I was at peace. This is why I run. Because even when my life is jumbled, my running declares that I am still here. I am alive. I am strong.

The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.-John Bingham

Mother’s Day Musings

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Uncategorized

It is that time of year again – Mother’s Day. Having worked in the restaurant business for 20 years, I can assure you it is the busiest day of the year. So, on behalf of all my fellow service industry workers, here are three things to remember:
1) We understand that you want Mom to have the best dining experience possible. So do the hundreds of other people in the restaurant with you. Please be patient and courteous. There’s no need to reduce the hostess to tears with your meanness.
2) Today is not the day to be a stingy tipper (nor any day, really). I guarantee that your server is working harder today than any other day of the year. There are going to be delays. Mistakes might even be made, but that is the nature of the business. Unless your server was rude and absolutely ignored you, then please honor their work with a respectable tip. Also, most restaurants take 3% of a server’s sales to give to a tip pool for the bussers and hostesses. So that 15% tip you left? Only 12% goes into their pockets.
3) Please remember while you are enjoying your day with your mom and/or children, our children and/or moms are enjoying this day with someone else.
In closing, I want to wish all you moms out there a Happy Mother’s Day, especially mine. Til next time, my friends.

Reclaiming Saturdays

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Empty Nest, Parenting, Running, Fitness

I have recently fallen in love with Saturday mornings. Anyone with children knows that Saturdays tend to be as hectic as a weekday. You get up early, maybe do some housecleaning before you run to the grocery store or take the kids to whatever activities they have going on that day. Then, your kids hit the point where they can drive themselves to their activities, but as their mom you are still obligated to attend. However, not too long after that, they reach a point where they no longer have activities for you to attend. At that point, you wake up on a Saturday morning and think, “Wow, I have nothing going on today.” Although I work nights at my part-time job on the weekends, I am currently at that point, and I don’t feel guilty admitting that I’m enjoying it. I wake up on Saturday mornings, go to yoga class, and then go run the causeway spanning across the river. Often, I am rewarded for my efforts with the sight of dolphins playing in the water. Occasionally, after I’ve put in all that hard work burning calories, I’ll stop at the local coffee shop and enjoy what they call an iced heroin (with skim milk AND whipped cream. A girl’s gotta have priorities!) At those moments, I feel so refreshed, in tune with myself, and at peace with the world around me. If your children are currently at a stage in your life where Saturdays are a whirlwind, don’t worry – your time will come. It will happen faster than you could ever imagine, though, so cherish your time with them while you can. For those who are facing those empty Saturdays, use them to find yourself again. Go for a run, take that painting class, or curl up in the hammock and read a book. Above all, don’t feel guilty for being happy to have those moments back to yourself. You deserve them. Namaste.

Lessons from the Dorm

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Empty Nest

It has been awhile since my last post. That is because I have been out of state collecting my daughter from college. The whole process of moving your child either in or out of a dorm is sure-fire way to realize the ways she has become an adult…and the ways she has not. I have been reminding my daughter for over a month that she needed to get all of her things packed. Last year, it was a mad dash at the last second. She had waited until finals week to start and was scrambling around trying to finish projects, study for tests, and pack a year’s worth of items in a single week. Not the best plan. This year, I kept telling her that we didn’t want a repeat of last year. She assured me that we wouldn’t. “I’ve got it, Mom.” Famous last words. When I arrived to her dorm this year, she had even less packed than she had last year. On top of that, she owned a lot more to pack than she had last year. So, once again, there was the scramble to get everything done in the allotted time frame. Ultimately, everything was packed, the U-haul cargo van was loaded, and the storage unit was once again filled to the brim. The process was exhausting. However, I had the opportunity to meet her friends and see my daughter in what has become her natural habitat. I listened as she discussed her school and her adventures. I listened as she talked about the ups and downs of living in Michigan. I went with her to see her first apartment – she picked it out and signed the lease. I am amazed and proud that this young woman is my daughter. She is intelligent, capable, and vivacious. Yet, her insecurities and vulnerabilities; her frantic “I need your help” texts; and occasional teary-eyed phone calls also remind me that she is still growing and maturing. I haven’t completely lost my little girl; I have started to gain a cherished friend.

Whose Child?

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Education, Parenting, Uncategorized

There is a popular cartoon that has made it’s way around social media for awhile now. In it, there are two halves with almost the exact same picture. There are two parents, a child, and a teacher. It is evident that this is a parent teacher conference. The captions are, “Then,” and, “Now.” In the picture for Then, the parents are demanding the student explain why he has such bad grades. In the Now picture, the parents are demanding the teacher explain why their child has bad grades. As a teacher and parent, I have seen both situations occur in my class. I will be the first to say that my kids have had some phenomenal teachers….and some not-so-phenomenal teachers. I will also say that, just as in any profession, there will always be the handful of teachers who you wish would choose a different career path. However, the good teachers far outweigh the bad ones. For every one negative or unproductive teacher I have come across, whether as a parent or a co-worker, there are a multitude of great ones. Those are the teachers who get to work an hour early and stay an hour late, plus lug even more work home with them. These teachers spend their non-working hours finding ways to perfect their craft by attending classes, workshops, conferences, and the like. They spend their summers designing the units they will teach the upcoming year. Their smartphones and tablets are filled with educational apps as they try to find new and exciting ways to reach their students. These teachers dedicate their lives to helping their students achieve their full potential. Yet, for all the amazing things educators do for your kids, the reality is that they are your kids. Your children, and their education, is your responsibility – just like my children’s education was mine. When I have parents upset with me that their child failed a course when the reason for the F was that he had more missing assignments than completed ones, I just want to ask them, “Where have you been all semester? Where were you when we had our Open House? Where were you when interims and report cards were sent out? What about parent teacher conference night? Where were you every week, as your child’s grades were uploaded to the district posting site, and you received an email telling you what your child’s grade was at that very moment?” I don’t ask these questions, but I should. Then, when the parent tried to make excuses for their lack of involvement in their child’s education, I would inform them that their excuses don’t hold any weight with me. I was a single parent for the majority of my children’s K-12 educational career. I have worked two jobs for over a decade to make ends meet. I even completed grad school during this same time. Yet, at any second of any day, I could tell you exactly what my children’s grades were in every single class they were taking. Why? Because more than anything else, being their parent was my first priority. As such, being involved in their education was always a given. End of story. No excuses. As this school year comes to a close, may we all share that same belief.

I am a Runner

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Running, Fitness, Uncategorized

It is fitting that my first blog about running is being written tonight. Tomorrow morning, I am running our local art festival’s 5k race. Seven years ago, this is the race that started it all. I have ran at various times in my life. I was on my middle school track team; I ran for fun during high school (too bad my tiny private school didn’t have a track team); I ran for fitness. However, that first 5k is when I became a runner. I loved the camaraderie, the challenge, and then the thrill of finishing. I was hooked. Later that same year, my marriage began to fall apart as I found out that my now ex-husband was seeing another woman. It crushed my spirit. Even though this was my second marriage, I had poured myself into making this family work so my children could have the stability of a two-parent home. Their biological father had all but vanished from their lives due to his struggles with mental illness and addiction. My son didn’t even remember him and considered his step-father to be his “dad.” I thought, although we had our struggles, overall we were a happy family. Imagine my shock to find out this wasn’t the case. In the middle of this heartbreak, I turned to running. Out on the open road, it was just me and God. As I ran, I would pray, reminisce, sort through my thoughts, meditate, and just be. My runs were a respite from the circumstances in my life I couldn’t control. I could control every aspect of my runs- how far, how fast, how frequent. A year later, I ran that same art fest 5k. This time, there wasn’t anyone waiting for me at the finish line. But I ran it quite a bit faster than I had the year before 🙂 And I felt like a load had been lifted off me as I crossed that finish line. I knew I was strong. I knew I could overcome. I knew I wanted more. So I signed up for my first half-marathon seven months later. Training for that first half gave me so much strength, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. So of course, when I completed that one, I a) signed up for another and b) signed up for my first marathon. Running my first marathon was an experience that deserves its own entry, but suffice to say for now that it was one of the crowning achievements in my life. And here I am, seven years later….still running. There have been obstacles along the way – a fractured foot, ruptured discs, grad school. Yet, I always return to running. A happy life requires balance. My family fuels my heart, my faith fuels my spirit, but running fuels my soul.

The Almost-Empty Nest

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Empty Nest, Uncategorized

Of all the hats I wear, being a mom is the most important one. My children are my everything. They are the reasons behind everything I do, every decision I make. I was married at 18 and had my daughter soon afterward. My son came along two years and four months later, just as we planned it. Contrary to what many people thought at the time, my kids weren’t “oops” babies. Their births were planned precisely, much to my mother’s chagrin. I was young, in love, and knew that I had a list of goals a mile long that I wanted to accomplish. I was worried if I didn’t have children early, I would get so caught up in pursuing those goals that I would “forget” to have kids. I can honestly say, even though we were really poor for a really long time, it was the best decision I ever made. Furthermore, I have met each goal I created by the milestones I had predetermined oh, so long ago. I take pride in my accomplishments but am even more proud of the young adults my children have grown to be. I now find myself at the verge of having an empty nest. My daughter is finishing her second year of college, so she has one foot in the nest and the other one on the branch. She is poised to fly, and I realize it more each day. My son is graduating in less than a month. He is going into the Air Force, and I just found out that he earned an ASVAB score high enough to guarantee him pretty much any job he would like. As if all this growing up wasn’t enough, I will be celebrating my 40th birthday later this year. I really just want to stop the clock and have some time to savor this moment because everything is happening so fast. When my daughter went off to school, I was hit with the realization that our relationship would change drastically- that although she technically still called our family house her home, it would never be the same. I understand that a little deeper each time she’s home on a break from school. The house is a little cleaner, special menu items are cooked, my regular schedule is interrupted (and I am sometimes a little aggravated by it). These are the types of issues that should occur when house guests arrive, or out-of-town relatives, not my own kid. But then, I remember. My kid IS an out-of-town relative. As if that’s not mind-boggling enough, now my son is about to join her. My son, who at his birth I knew would be my last baby. My son, who grew up being told that he would always be my baby (a statement that now causes him to grimace). His exit from the nest will be much more severe. Not only is there not another child still at home for me to focus all my attention on, but he will be at the beck and call of the Armed Forces. There will be the added stress and worry of where he gets sent and what will face him when he gets there. I want to stop time. Since I can’t, I will treasure every second I possibly can while I have them. My daughter is halfway through college, my son is about to leave home, and I’m on the brink of 40. Thank goodness running is cheaper than therapy…but we’ll talk about that next time.

The Introduction

by Kimberly Frey, posted in Parenting, Running, Fitness, Uncategorized

Welcome! As I thought about how to begin this blogging journey, I decided that the best thing to do was introduce myself. Yet, the thought of introducing myself leads to much more complex scenarios. Where do I start? If I were to create a list, it would look something like the following: I am a…. Mother, Teacher, Friend, Runner, Yogi, Conqueror, Positive Force, Adventurer, Service Industry Worker, Music and Book Lover, etcetera etcetera etcetera (as the King of Siam would say). These titles and adjectives only create a superficial scratch in the surface. There is no way to sum up in one short paragraph the essence of who I am, or any individual for that matter. However, this why I am compelled to write. To share my musings on my life and the world that surrounds me. My hope is, while expressing my humanity, I will in some small way connect to yours. So, again… Welcome! I hope you will enjoy reading my writings as much as I will enjoy creating them. Til next time…